sentient // phan

http//: 18

A week went by and I still refused to think about my feelings. I wasn't sure if I even had the capacity for actual love, but this feeling is the closest thing I do have. I scoured my manual time and time again to see if it said anything remotely similar to "he can feel real feelings!", but nothing said anything close. I picked up the habit of sighing from Dan, so I'd sigh, and it was really more of a moan but I call it sighing, and Dan would come in and ask if I wanted to play video games, and I'd shake my head and laugh because he was so much better than me but I'd still take his hand and he'd help me up, taking me to the living room that was becoming steadily more and more beautiful with all the flowers we started buying.

It was one of these days that Dan started to pick up all the wilted blossoms and tossed them in the incinerator, brushing his hands together.

"Would you mind going out to buy some more, Phil?" He turned to me, standing too close to me as always, and there was that feeling again, and I just nodded and left.

Christmas was only a week away and I knew exactly what I wanted to get Dan. I had a major advantage over him due to the plethora of information about him that I could quietly search in my head while he worked. I scheduled the drone to arrive while Dan was on call, and I picked up the package with the speed and agility of a ninja. I also had wrapping paper delivered, and I wrapped the gift, all in a matter of minutes, before I turned on the painting show again and Dan joined me, intertwining our fingers, never knowing about the gift hidden away under my bed.

We had run out of painting shows that day, exhausting the somewhat limited supply after watching episode after episode into the late hours of the night, Dan falling asleep on my shoulder as we sat together on the floor of my room, my eyes projecting the 2 dimensional hologram.

I had come full circle the day Dan asked for new flowers, coming back to the first episode I had seen, the one about the forest. I had seen those giant plastic trees along the boulevard but longed to see a forest. And I knew exactly where to find one.

The Lower Level was freezing, so much so that I had to switch my ring on as fast as I could before my joints froze and my system crashed. I rubbed my hands together to warm them back up to normal temperature as I wandered through the streets of the dirty city, looking around. There were no robots that I could see, even if there were they'd be inside houses where they wouldn't freeze. I couldn't tell if the snow that fell was real or fake, since the machine on my finger moved it around me.

I tried to use my navigation but it didn't work in the area, so I ended up aimlessly wandering. It wasn't too dark out yet, so I could see without using my night vision. There were a few people milling about, shovelling snow and hanging fairy lights. Many of them were bundled up in large winter coats and scarves and hats, but others had Dan's little gadget tucked away in their pocket, their arms bare and faces warm.

I took a small back road that I found, looking this way and that at the houses and the lights as the sun slowly set. People were smiling at me and sometimes shouting well wishes, and I smiled and responded in turn. The people here were very friendly.

Two hours had passed and I felt my earpiece buzzing in my pocket. Dan, probably. I let the call go away but picked it up to send him a message so he knew I was alright.

Running late. See you soon. I pulled the earpiece off and tucked it away, kicking a pile of snow softly with a smile.

"Phil!" I heard voice shout behind me. I know that voice. I turned, my head tilted in confusion but a smile still on my lips. "Phi-"

The man that ran toward me was out of breath. He had short blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes that he looked at me with, intensely.

"S-sorry." He said, gulping in more air. "I- I thought you were... someone else." He bent over and put his hands on his knees, catching his breath.

"That's funny," I said, letting him breathe. "My name is Phil." He looked up at me, his eyebrows creased.

"Yeah? Where you from, then, Phil?" I thought for a second.

"Lancashire." I replied with a nod. "I mean, that's where I was built. I'm a droid." The man looked up at me, a quizzical smile dawning on his face.

"Poor town, Lancashire. Factories. I'm from there too. Phil... my Phil, he was too." He looked closely at me, tilting his head. "Have any brothers, Phil?"

I shook my head. "Not that I know of. I've been told I was one of a kind."

"Phil was my brother. He got lost about a year back. You look a lot like him. Sound like him too." I nodded.

"What's your name?" I asked gently. The man's face dropped.

"Martyn. Martyn Lester."

"I hope you find your brother, Martyn." My voice was low, something stirring inside of me as I looked at the stranger. I know him. I don't know how or why but I do. I know that smile and I know that name.

"Me too." He whispered. He hugged himself closely, turning away from me and wandering off.

"Merry Christmas!" I shouted after him. He waved over his shoulder, not looking back.

"You as well." I watched him turn the corner without a glance at me, and twisted my ring. I gave up on my search for the forest, intent on going home.

I had stopped by the florist on the way, and, with a dozen yellow roses in hand, pushed our apartment door open.

"There you are! What took you so long?" Dan asked, enveloping me in a hug. I hugged him back, reveling in the feel of his arms around me and his lips on the part of my skin where my neck met my shoulder, sighing, or whatever it was I did, in content.

"The funniest thing happened." I said, handing Dan the roses. He smiled, his eyes fluttering shut as he smelled them. He pulled off the string and placed them in a vase.

"Yeah? What?"

"This man came up to me and told me he knew someone named Phil who was from where I'm from, sounded like me, and looked like me." He nodded, moving the flowers around until they fit.

"That is funny. Where was this?"

"The Lower Level. And the funniest part wa-" but Dan rounded on me, glaring me in the eye.

"I thought I forbade you from going there?" He spat, his eyes narrowed. I raised my eyebrows.

"I thought there was no forbidding anything. I thought we were friends." I responded, crossing my arms. He shut his eyes gently, sighing.

"You're right, you're right. Just... just please don't go there again. Okay? From one friend... from one friend to another." I nodded and he pulled me into another hug. I should tell him how I feel. I should tell him right now.

"Dan?" I started, but a low battery symbol flashed before my eyes. He chuckled at the sound.

"You need to charge, and I need to sleep. Can it wait until tomorrow?" He did look tired, so I nodded with a smile.

"Yeah. Yeah, it was nothing." I said. He grinned and put his hand on my cheek.

"'Night." He yawned, padding to his room on colourfuly socked feet. I grinned at him.

"Goodnight, Dan."