sentient // phan

http//: 15

"What are you doing?" Dan was startled when he happened upon me, tripping backward. I looked up to him, the hologram that was produced from my eyes flashing him in his eyes before I shut it off.

"Watching TV." I said, and I looked back at the ground, the hologram coming back on. He sighed, coming over to me, and sitting next to me on the ground of my room and crossing his legs.

"Watching TV? In hologram mode. With the sound turned all the way up." I nodded, pointing to the programme.

"Watch it with me."

"Phil, I know what you're doing. You can watch these things in your head. I'm not stupid." But he didn't get up. "What even is this?"

"It's called painting. Isn't it wonderful?" I asked, watching in rapt fascination. I had found it when I searched "messy things" on the internet, the third search term after a long night of researching OCD and it's symptoms and treatments. The method I had settled on trying was to show him the beauty of controlled chaos, and it was suggested to show him various kinds of art forms, beginning with painting, which I had to look up. It came up with this one guy who had a show that was entirely him painting, applying pigments to a canvas in what seemed like a random way to create something beautiful. It was messy, it was chaotic, and it was amazing. I wasn't expecting to fall in love with it the way I did. Dan and I watched as he painted for a few minutes, describing the colors and smiling at his creations.

After about ten minutes had passed and the scenery was taking shape, I pointed to it.

"What is that?" I asked. Dan rolled his eyes.

"It's your show, you tell me." I shrugged, and he exhaled. "It's called a forest. You don't see them around that much anymore. I think there's still one in the lower level."

"I'd like to see it." I said as the man drew his brush along the canvas once more.

"Turn it off, Phil." Dan said.

"What-"

"Turn it off, and look at me." I did as I was told and looked at him. His face was sullen. "You are to never go there, understand me?"

"No, I don't." I replied, crossing my arms. "It's just a city. A city you said was perfectly safe."

"I never said that. You are forbidden to go there, okay? End of discussion." I opened my mouth to argue but realised it was pointless, so I shut it. "Are we done here?"

"Does it matter?" I snapped. He sighed, leaning on my shoulder, but I pulled away.

"I'm sorry, Phil. Let's forget about it okay? Tell me more about painting." But I stood up, brushing off my pants. He looked up at me, confused.

"I don't get you, Dan! One second we're just friends having a good time, and the next you're talking to me like I'm a dog! Pick one side and stick with it, okay? It's confusing!" He looked down, frowning in thought. I was seething, biting my lip, worrying I had just made things worse.

"Okay." He looked up at me, resting his hands on his knees. "We're friends. No master or android or anything. Just... just friends. Deal?" He stuck his hand up, and I shook it once.

"Deal."

"You know what friends do?" He asked after I helped him up.

"Uh. Not... really?"

"Friends get each other Christmas gifts!" I was silent for a second while I researched what Christmas was in order to not sound like a complete idiot.

"Oh! That is coming up soon. Twenty-two days." I nodded, trying to sound as informed as possible without spitting out random words like "Santa Claus" and "gingerbread". Dan beamed, and took both my hands.

"It's been so long since I got to shop for someone. Ooh, I do love buying presents." I didn't have the heart to tell him I didn't want anything and just watched the way his eyes sparkled. They were very pretty, though easily overlooked. That's the thing about brown eyes. They're easy to miss. But Dan's eyes... Dan's eyes sparkled in all the right places, they caught the light but still held shadows on the edges, symbolic of the shadows he hid from the light of his life that bled through every once and awhile, making his jaw clench and body tremble with either anger or sobs.

"You have nice eyes." Dan said. I blinked, realising I was staring. He smiled, and dropped my hands. "Pal." He hit my arm. "Bro."

"Dude." I chuckled and hit him back.

"That's what friends do." He nodded.

"That and presents."

"Yeah." He sighed, his smile wavering as he looked at me again, and I drowned in the complexity of his seemingly simple eyes yet again. What are you hiding Dan Howell?  "That and presents."