3 weeks

3

The doctors words kept replaying over and over in my head. I was dying. And they think I only have around 3 weeks to live. How does one process that? How does one who thought they were only going in to get checked out after getting hit on the head handle the news that there is something really wrong with them? I didn't know. I still don't. How can I accept the fact that I have to leave everyone and everything I love behind? 

At least I was getting out of here soon. I sighed and reached over on the chair to grab my shirt. Pulling it over my head. I couldn't help but worry about how the guys were going to treat me now. I didn't want to be treated any different. I wanted to spend these last 3 weeks with the people I love, doing the things I loved to do. 

The fellas would be back soon. They'd went to get the car. I shook my head and stood up, stepping toward the window. This was all so new to me and I didn't know when or if I'd ever get used to it. I turned when I heard the door open, the doctor stepping inside and closing the door behind him.

"Mr. Sykes, I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to now..." He began, taking a seat in one of the empty chairs, "But, I was hoping while your friends were away we could discuss a few of your options."

My options. I had those? I figured all I had was a death sentence. 

I nodded and took a seat in the other chair, looking at the older man. "Sure." I said simply. 

"You're free to go home, but I want you to know that's not the only place you can go. There is a place called Hospice that you can live at. They will take care of you and help manage the pain when the time comes. Some people don't like the dying process to involve their loved ones so much. They don't want them to hurt anymore than they have too." He said. "IS that something you might be interested in?" 

While I didn't want to bring the guys down anymore than they already were, the thought of living in a place like that kind of freaked me out. I shook my head. "Not really. I don't want to die alone. I'd kind of like to be at home when it happens." I said.

The doctor nodded, extending his hand to lightly rest it against mine. "You don't have to die alone. Hospice will let your family and friends be there with you." He added.

"Thanks, but I don't think that's for me. I've heard they can come to your house. Right? I'd rather do that than have to live there." I answered, swallowing back the tears.

The old man nodded and offered me a sad smile "I understand. I'll call them and we can set it up for them to come to your home then." He said, slowly getting up from his seat. "Please, let us know if there is anything we can do for you." 

I thanked him and took in a shaky breath. 3 weeks. Oh shit. It's December 5. In 20 days it will be Christmas. I had to make it till Christmas. I had too. I had to give them at least one more. 

"Doc, do you think I'll live till Christmas?" I asked softly. 

He sighed and looked at his phone, I guess seeing what today was. "That's almost 3 weeks away. I wish I could say yes for sure, but I just don't know. I hope so." He said. 

I guess I had to except that answer, since that was the only one he could give me. I watched him walk out the door and once again I was left alone with all these thoughts. This wasn't fare. No, I wasn't perfect. I've done plenty of bad things in the past, but who hasn't? Why was I being punished like this?

The nurse came in, giving me my discharge papers as the guys came back into the room. I could tell they weren't happy. Hell, they all looked as scared as I was. 

"Let's get you home." Jordan said, trying his best to smile. 

I nodded and we headed down the long hallway and out the hospital. We jumped in Lee's car & headed back to the house. 

The ride was spent in complete silence. No one spoke. I guess maybe they were all too scared they'd say the wrong thing. But, this was something we had to discuss. Unfortunately this wasn't going to go away, and I wasn't going to get any better. 

We pulled in the driveway and Lee shut off the car. One by one we got out and made our way inside my house. Once everyone was inside, I shut the door and stopped in the living room, looking out at all of them. 

"Alright," I started, taking a seat on the couch next to Jordan. "So, I know this isn't something anyone wants to talk about but I think we need too. In 3 weeks, I'm not going to be here anymore. Hell, he said he couldn't promise I'd be here for Christmas." I said, the tears streaming down my cheeks now. I didn't bother to wipe them though. "You know how much I love you guys. You've been there for me every time I've needed you. Well, I need you all now more than ever. I don't think I could make it through this without you. I need to know if you're going to be able to handle it." I said, looking around at my brothers.

"Dude, what kind of question is that?" Lee began, sitting up on the edge of his seat. "You know we are going to be there for you every step of the way." 

"I knew you'd say that. I just want to make sure you understand how bad it will probably get. The doctor called Hospice, and they'll be coming in a few days to talk to all of us. They asked me did I wanna move into Hospice and I said no. I said I wanted to die at home. Are you all okay with that?"

Everyone nodded and hugged me, telling me they were here for me and only wanted to make this easy for me. The only one who hadn't spoke was Jordan. 

I raised an eyebrow and looked over at the guy next to me "Jordan? Jordan are you okay?" I asked.

Jordan who seemed to be in a trance, jumped a bit and nodded "Yeah, yeah of course I'm okay with that, Oli. Anything you need." He said. 

I sighed. He was hiding something. I made a mental note to ask him about it later.