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22 3 15

by Synch-

by Synch-

I know that I said before that I wasn't going to make anymore serious A/N type thingys. But, I felt that this was necessary.

I just wanted to apologize... to my dearly beloved fam and all of my readers for my silent absence.

I' ve just been... err, I can't think of a better way to phrase this than I haven't been right in the head.

This isn't really a new thing to occur for me, I constantly slip in and out of sanity when I think too much to myself, and this past month was just entirely stressful and not to mention loaded with tons of feels and emotions that I wasn't prepared to be putting up with.

First, there's my school work. I'm quite known even since first grade for not doing my work on time. Although I've improved on it since back then, I've slipped into the habit of sitting in my room under a blanket instead of getting anything done.

Plus, I was stressing over the absence of someone I've held near and dear to my heart for a long time. Now that that person is back, I've felt a bit better, but for many other reasons I haven't been online nearly at all.

My friends at school started having a conversation about my male friend's problems at home with his mom, because he's from India and his parents don't have the green which would keep them here as official U.S. citizens. His mother constantly hits him if he does something she doesn't approve of, and the one time he tried to defend himself by grabbing her arm, she locked him outside in the cold winter without a coat or shoes. He had to sneak back into his bedroom at 3 in the morning, when he was close to freezing to death. He can't seek for help, because if he does, his mother could just ship them back to India.

My friend, who I'll call Adi just for convenience (googled most common Indian names), and my best friend who I'll call Raina, got into a conversation after he told us his story that you can tell how good of friends you are with something from how much you know about their personal life. Raina and Adi straight up said to me, that I never talk about myself around them, since I am a passive person and just let them talk while I listen, and they don't know a single personal thing about me.

I laughed it off at first, because I know that I don't talk much, in order to keep people from thinking I want attention from talking about my depressing back story. Later I thought about it, and put the pieces together.

'You can tell how good of friends you are with something from how much you know about their personal life.'

'They don't know a single personal thing about me.'

It felt like a jab to the stomach, the way they let me know this so subtly. I had spent nearly 5 years with these two, thinking they were my friends. I brushed this thought off for a while, that it was my fault for not telling them anything.

Honestly, I always wait for someone to ask me. For someone to notice my glum mood. To ask, "Are you okay?" "What happened?". To reassure me "If you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you".

But, that's never happened.

There's been a lot of other contributors to this so called 'depression' that I don't exactly want to share... I've noticed from the "Please Don't Look At Me Like That" parts, that a lot of you get uncomfortable with those sort of things.

And look at me go, hinting at it so someone will ask. I guess I am looking for attention (and by saying that, I'm wishing for someone to say "No you're not". Pathetic, I know).

Getting back on the main topic, I guess I could say I've been depressed and unmotivated, and didn't feel like shoving my feelings onto people online who couldn't give two shits. That's the only reason I could give for not being here for so long, and I know it's not very appropriate or satisfying (if someone where to go missing and give me this explanation, I'd flip out).

So... yeah. I am still in this moody-emo-depressed slump, so don't expect me to spring back into action like I was just a month ago.

Don't get me wrong, I miss being the bubbly personality that Mina is, but now I'm being my raw self. I call it 'Andrinay'. I do love every single one of you to death, enough to let you know exactly what's going on, being completely honest.

And of course, Victuuri feels have had me busy. XD (Which reminds me, the last episode of the season is tomorrow. I'm ready for tears OTP = #OnlyTearsAndPain).

I just want to let you all know, since I feel that I don't say it enough.

I love you.

I fucking love you all.

Don't you dare ever forget.

Until next time, my filthy human toilets~!

~Mina-chan

No...

~Andrinay <3

(P.S. A shorter version of this will also be posted on my profile.)