Hakuryuu liked to cook. He had never told anyone since cooking wasn't something a prince should do, less should the emperor. So, he cooked in secret. Sadly, he hadn't had anyone to share with. A few times he made breakfast for his sister Kougyoku who was so sad and unhappy shortly after the end of the civil war which was understandable. He had felt bad because he thought it was his fault that she felt like that. It partly was his fault. Still, she seemed to not blame him at all. He couldn't handle such kindness. For so many years he had been treated badly. Only his big sister Hakuei had seemed to be nice to him, to care about him and now Kougyoku was so kind to him. They got real close with each other and the bond they created was mutual. She was probably the first he shared mutual feelings. Normally, he was the one that was rejected by other, be it his family or friends. Therefore, he thought he didn't deserve such kindness and understanding. Such a thought had been imprinted on him by his own family and friends. It had been his wife who had helped him to more or less get rid of that thought and, now and then, reminded him that he deserved kindness, love and understanding. He was a great person according to her and therefore should be treated that way.
Now after being married for a "long" time, they often cooked together and they did not do it in secret. She had once caught him in action, since then she would join him from time to time on his nightly cooking adventures.
The first time they cooked together was also the first time she was in the kitchen of the palace. She had looked a little bit lost. At first he had thought that she might had never been in a kitchen before and therefore never had cooked. Oh, how wrong he had been. Her cooking skills were far above his own, however she lacked the concentration and motivation to cook a big meal. She preferred to eat the meals instead of making them. But she loved backing very much and once she started it was hard to stop her. He loved her backing.
When they cooked their first dish together, she took care of the side dishes like the salad. He was responsible for the main dish. From time to time he asked her if everything was alright or if she needed something. It had been a little bit awkward because he didn't knew what to talk about with her. And he was unsure whether she even wanted to talk with him. And what if she was too shy or maybe scared to ask him things, like ask for the ingredients she needed or for the kitchen utensils. On the other hand, she had been able to finish the side dishes, so she apparently hadn't needed anything or found it herself.
The silence was only broken through his questions and later also through her asking him what he was doing there – it sounded like she never had made a meal on her own before, which strengthened his assumption that she had never cooked before. Later he found out that she only asked because she used a different method then him.
Thanks to her questions they finally started a conversation. In the conversation itself it had been Hakuryuu who did most of the talking and in the few and short breaks he took because he had to focus on the food, he feared that he might bore her. A few times he looked away from whatever he had to do and watched her. She either was looking around – he wasn't sure how to interpret her look – or returned to her salad which took almost as long as the main dish.
Over the course of time they spent together in the kitchen the silence that reappeared again and again got more and more comfortable. Even when Hakuryuu still often feared she would be bored by him or felt uncomfortable with him around. Yes, he had a very bad opinion of himself. His wife changed that during their years together.
Hakuryuu often got lost in his cooking and ended up with too much dishes, but they were all very creative, be it in the way he prepared them to serve or what he cooked. The same happened when he cooked with his wife for the first time. When he had entered the kitchen his goal had been to make a simple meal with meat and vegetables. Nothing big or special. When he and his wife left the kitchen they had enough food for the whole palace. Of course, they shared.
For the decoration of the meal he had asked his wife for help who had agreed with a smile. The decorations were made out of the vegetables which he wanted to cut in a certain way so they would look e. g. like leaves. Doing so wasn't easy and one needed good fine motor skills and a steady hand. Both fulfilled those criteria, but at some point his wife needed some help.
It was embarrassing or uncomfortable – he wasn't sure what he felt exactly or how to descript his feelings at that time – to be so close to her and taking her hands so he could show her what she had to do and how. First he had tried to only show it, but even when she tried to follow what he showed her she failed. She was too unsure and appeared to be a little bit afraid as well. Maybe she feared to cut herself. So, he took her hands in his and showed her the right movements that way. Something like this meant to be very close to the other one and Hakuryuu wasn't sure whether she was alright with that or not. Well, she didn't complain, still she might only be silent because she was too shy or afraid or nice to tell him to get away from her. Or maybe he just put too much thoughts into her actions or the lack of such.
However, thinking or believing that he was a nice companion was something he hadn't even dreamed of. It was something unreal. Something that one could never put in relation to him.
Her fingers had been cold – he pinned it on the fact that she washed the vegetables before and the water she used had been cold, later he learned that her fingers were always cold and she was always freezing.
Her skin had been so soft. She always had soft skin and that was one of the reasons why he liked to touch her so much later on.
Furthermore, she smelled great. A pleasant scent of mandarins. He had to admit that being so close to her was great, but his negative thoughts were stronger. Since the death of his brothers Hakuryuu never had much contact, especially body contact, with others. Never had he thought that he missed and needed body contact so much. He had felt bad for feeling like this, for hoping and wanting more.
Therefore, he had felt some kind of relief when he let go of her, while wanting to touch her again.
When they had left the kitchen he still felt bad about his desire, his wish, while his wife was smiling and said that she hoped that they could cook together again.
Whenever he and his wife cooked together now Hakuryuu would remember their first time doing so. Now he could smile and laugh about it. Remembering the moments they had awkward conversations and awkward silence made him realize how far they have come since then.
STAI LEGGENDO
Moments like this
Fanfiction[Discontinued] Relationship moments between Hakuryuu and his wife, who he had married because of political reasons.
