Love across the 4th Wall ~ A Mystic Messenger Story

Jumin ~

(WARNING: SPOILERS FOR JUMIN'S ROUTE/AFTER END AHEAD)

Watching her proceed on Jumin's route was different than with the other routes. I didn't know why but something about the whole route was very very different from everyone else. Maybe it was because Jumin's was a Deep Story route?

I had forbidden myself every thought of how it would feel to have her coming my route, that's why I was still alive.

Even though she stopped being so mean to me after 4 days we still didn't return to our old relationship. She didn't laugh for me anymore, that hadn't changed. She focused on Jumin and tried to help him through his whole arranged-marriage-fiasco.

We didn't talk about it but something had definitely changed between us. She was suddenly so far away, so cold and so out of my reach. I didn't know why I suddenly felt that way since she had already done two other routes and I'd never felt that way before. Maybe it was because of how she had behaved for the last four days. I could never forget her cold words from back then, not even when she was moderately friendly or at least polite to me now.

I didn't log on very often, too. I preferred to read the messages she'd left, no longer pretending her kind words were for me. I forced myself to finally stop pretending.

She is not mine, nor will she ever be. She will never say these love-filled words to me and she will never see me in any other way than as a weird guy who's useful for the RFA.

That's what I'd been repeating in my head like a mantra until I finally started believing it. It was time to wake up. I had pretended she liked me for too long already.

I couldn't go on like this. It was unhealthy and it affected my life, my work and my thoughts way too much.

I needed to let go off my senseless feelings for this girl, the sooner the better. I was a secret agent, I had important tasks and I couldn't be distracted any longer. Even though a part of me kept saying that my work was in vain anyway, since it would be erased as soon as she resetted again.

But would she even reset? Of course, she hadn't done Jaehee's route yet but if she looked for a lover with whom she could stay forever, Jumin was basically the perfect choice.

Maybe this was actually her last route. Maybe she will not reset and I will never have the chance to talk to her again after these eleven days.

But would it really be Jumin with whom she would stay? Yoosung would've been a good choice as well. Even though he didn't have that much money he would've taken good care of her, even with his injury that I'd caused. I had failed my role, that was protecting Yoosung, on his route and I was still ashamed because of that. Never would I forget that it had been my fault.

Zen would've been a great choice too. He would've protected her and been there for her, even with his unstable job and career. I had failed even more on his route, since he had to almost beat me up before I helped him save her.

Even though I could've easily defend myself and knock him down – one of my easiest tasks, I had received endless hours of combat training as a part of my secret agent schooling – I didn't do it. Maybe it had been out of remorse or I was just surprised. Or maybe I just felt as if I deserved the beating. I let him hit me...what I usually didn't allow anyone to do.

And now there was Jumin, rich, handsome, protective – maybe a little too possessive, but she didn't seem as if she disliked that part very much – the perfect man, wasn't he? At least once he'd learned how to show emotions. She would definitely teach him. If anyone could warm up his ice-cold heart, it would definitely be her.