Finding true LOVE...

Finding true LOVE...3

Now my heart, my soul, the very me....ALISHA wants to tell about her.Enough of her mind voice, now hear my own voice...:)

I always lived my life through LOVE..Love has always ruled my life....

Love is too very special for me...Love means everything for me....

This had been the case from my childhood. I don't know why, but this is what my heart tells me, whenever I ask it.

Love has always played an important role in my life, it has been my priority, may it be for friends or for parents or for the ALMIGHTY...

I've always wondered whether I've found my true Love or not, but always I would end up giving up the question, because even I can't answer it, but still I love Love, only that makes me , ALISHA...

I always loved my childhood.It was very good though I don't remember much of it.

I loved my friends a lot. They were the reason for my living, all my schooling was about my friends.I cherish for being with them , but now I wish I could meet them.Once again to cherish all those lovely moments.

I remember being a nerd at those times, my hands would raise first if any question was put on. Sometimes I was bullied because of that and as I was a cry baby I used to go and complain about it to either my teachers or my parents and so I was envied by some.

I studied very hard to get good marks in my first boards, during my middle school I didn't enjoy my life that much for which I'm regretting now.

Then after scoring good marks I entered into my high school, where I started living my life.I came to know what is true life.

There I met them....Caroline and Sumaiya. I don't know whether I'm happy or sad thinking about them.I faced a lot of things in my life because of them, but I also learnt more about friendship from them.First time in my life I felt useless or may be I can say worthless, as they both used me. During my first year in high school I thought that those people are my life....my soul...I loved them that I was even ready to sacrifice anything for being with them, but at the end of second year I felt ashamed for thinking them to be my soulmates.I even tried to attempt suicide for them, how silly of me. Thinking to give up my life for those two who didn't know my worth and above all, how could I even think of taking my own life which Allah gave me???

I was a mess at that time.I regretted for meeting them, but I was thankful to Allah for giving me some other people in the same place who worth me and my friendship.

But as days passed by I forgave both Caroline and Sumaiya for their mistakes when they realised it and apologized to me. Now I'm happy that they are part of my life and I have an important part in their life, and mainly they worth me now.

These were my past moments in my childhood and adolescence.

But in those days I had a habit of maintaining a diary, not a daily one  but I used to write up everything that ran in my heart and mind.

You can find every single thing about me through my diary...my heart's writing ....

The very first page of my diary has my name written in glitters with my picture engrossed.

The next page has the wordings...

"I LOVE U MY DEAR FIANCÉ"

I don't know why I wrote something like that at the age of 15, during that time I always dreamt of doing an arranged marriage and I started writing that diary in order to give it to my Fiancé. I wrote what and all qualities I wanted in him, what I expected from him.

And then I've shared all my favourites and my unforgettable days of my life, because I wanted to share everything with Him, without knowing Him I loved him, I started dreaming about Him, my life with Him...

The funniest part was I used to write I LOVE MY FRANCE...

in order to be safe from being caught by others , because of that reason I started liking France more than my India during that time...

Ridiculous...isn't it??

I used to think my small pillow which is still with me with its velvet cover as my fiancé and I used to talk with it.

Actually my small pillow has always been my side from my childhood. I would share my happiness, sorrow, sadness, anger, worries, tears, frustration, every sort of emotions to it.

It had always been my support, my near one though its a non  living thing. I still think it to be very close to me.

All girls have their Teddys with them, but I've my small sweet pillow, which is in the size of a baby.

May be from my fifteen I was loving my fiancé...

All my friends and my close relatives knew about that and some used to make fun of me.

But whatever it is I still love my small pillow and I'll hold onto it till I grow old, because its just like my heart which knows everything about me.

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