I'm literally sleep deprived and at the 1,000 word mark, I'd just started eating and it gets a little, just a little bit more . . . postive. I think, I think it's more of a whole 'lol, stfu' :) (I haven't slept in over 26 hours, okay, I'm sorry if this makes no sense)
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There were times where I'd have love to just died, to have killed myself, in fact. I had to admit that to you, I just had to. But there was no way that I would, not because I was afraid to, in fact, I embrassed it, but I had children, I wouldn't dare leave them alone because I was a wimp. I had friends and I had family, as scarce as it really was, and I had an entire school to govern. There was no way, though, to say that just those things didn't stop the episodes.
To put it simply, all because of Voldemort and Dumbledore, my life was an utter hell hole. I was stressed being Headmistress, I had infant twins where their Father had been killed by their second cousin, Bellatrix who was going to die the next time I saw her. And that was certainly the biggest promise after my vows I'd ever make, ever.
There was a knock at my door, and I was still currently sitting under my desk, forcing myself to calm down a little more. I heard it open, and I refused to get up, to move. There was no way that anyone is going to see me like this.
"Harley?" Nott's voice asked, he sounded cautious.
I didn't respond.
"You're hiding under the desk, aren't you?" he asked.
Still didn't respond, but hoped to Merlin he didn't look under the desk. But, of course he did, of course he looked under the desk. I turned my head abruptly away from him, and he sighed, rather dramatically, before he just decided to sit down next to me and just put an arm around me in a comforting, what I hope to be friendly, gesture, but stayed quiet.
I calmed down eventually, and said, "What did you come up for?"
He removed his arm and said, "I need to go on leave . . ."
"What for?" I asked suspisciously, watching him get to his feet, and I followed.
Nott shifted on his feet slightly and said, "it's not for him, I swear."
"That doesn't actually answer my question."
"Your birthday," he stated flatly, "I wanted to get you something."
I stared at him for a moment before saying, "You strange creature."
He looked amused and slightly shocked.
"You wanted leave for that? You could have just, I don't know, disappeared off the face of the planet the day before and then just been like, 'here, don't kill me'?"
"You've definitely lost your mind," he informed.
I paused to stare at him for a longer moment, before just deciding to shrug. "Yeah, probably. Screw you, Dumbledore."
"That wasn't necessary, Harley," Dumbledore's portrait said.
"You're a part of it," I told him shortly, crossing my arms. "Now stop talking."
He didn't say another word and I dropped my arms.
"What the hell am I supposed to say to that, anyway?" I asked Nott, "If I say 'yeah', I just seem too excited which I'm not, but if I say 'no', I'll just feel like an ass. Phineas, you tell him what I want."
"By her a present, she needs it," he said without hesitation.
"There's your answer," I told him and he smiled, rolling his eyes before leaving the room.
"You shouldn't have--"
"I trust him, Dumbledore, I'm also aware that nobody else should," I told him sharply, then asked in a much softer tone, "could you please, please only give me advice when I need it with being a Headmistress?"
He sighed and said, "If that's what you wish."
"Thank you," I told him, before putting on my happy face, and going out to breakfast. Just to see an army of freaking Death Eaters on the courtyard and a whole lot of students looking terrified in the Great Hall.
I am so done with these bastards, I thought bitterly, before opening the doors with my wand and creating a giant barrier in front of the door to prevent magic from getting to me. I murmured an ancient spell and their magic was bound.
"Twenty minutes to leave otherwise you're all dead," I spat, magically amplifying my voice so that they could hear me without raising my voice. I'm pretty sure I sounded 7432567% done with any shit for the rest of my long or short life.
They scattered when they realized that they couldn't use magic, some stayed and removed their annoying fucking masks, just for a minute and said, "Thank you." They were obviously the ones under the imperius curse, so I wouldn't kill them, but I sure as hell wasn't going to have them on the school ground, just in case they were faking it . They seemed to understand the hostilty and left as well.
When they had all scattered, I went to the Great Hall and just endulged myself. It wasn't like when I was younger with the metabolism that worked at the rate of breeding pygmy puff that the Weasley twin's sold, I gained weight when I overate, but frankly, I either went on forever without eating, depressed was then, or ate everything when I was pissed. Which I was indeed. Pissed and depressed? Well, that was something different while not at the same time.
But I decided to eat like I hadn't eaten in days, which was sort of half-true. I just knew to eat to keep myself concentrating, but ate miniscule amounts, just enough without going braindead and utterly stupid.
And before somebody thinks it, although I think somebody already has, I've got a human babysitter up there looking after them as I had my, uh, attack. I call her Tonks. She's great. And pregnant.
"You look like utter crap," Avery told me bluntly when I took my usual seat, between him, Snape and Nott, who was still currently here, and the other teachers, keeping the three seperated from the larger, more angrier group of teachers.
"You're a charmer," I replied just as blunt, hell, even a little bit annoyed.
"Sorry," he muttered under his breath and I just stuffed a piece of toast with marmalade on top in my mouth. They remained silent on the Death Eater side of the table, the tables of students and basically-OOTP supporters sat on the other side of her talked amongst themselves.
At least those fuckers are happy, I thought bitterly, and then just wanted to punch myself in the face for even thinking that. They're kids, they're as happy as they can get in such . . . times. The teachers on her right were fine, they taught normally, they weren't particularily influenced in any way. I was thinking about them.
I really ought to just stop with my shit, like, seriously.
I took in a deep breath, closed my eyes for a minute, opened them and continued to eat like the pig that I really am when I'm not actually depressed and having an axiety attack under my desk. Over exageration, just a little bit, but you get the point.
In other news, the students think I'm terrifying, cool and a bitch, all at once, and I thought I was the once who gave mixed signals about things.
I need a holiday where I can just grieve, take care of children and not have work to do, but no, there's a fucking war, Death Eaters want to take over my school and I have to make appearances just so they know I still exist.
When I decided I was full, the bell had rang, the students and teachers had gone and I was alone in the Great Hall. Then I just went back to my office and took care of both my children with Tonks, she wanted to stay, she was worried about Remus and she should learn about taking care of children if her son was due at the beginning of March.
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War next chapter. It's going to be basically right out of the original books, some change because it is indeed in Harley's POV and I need to sleep but I wanted to double upload today? I think it's still the same day for most people.
