Even though I'm on my own, I know I'm not alone..

Eight

Do you ever want to die so bad you don't want to kill yourself? You don't want to go for another attempt of suicide, You don't want want to cut as your too numb to even feel it. You can't cry.. there's no tears. You just lay there staring at your ceiling hoping to turn to dust...? Cause this is exactly how I felt. For once I layed in complete silence.. No voices, No screams. There wasn't even static buzzing around. I forgot the feeling of silence. Maybe they had gone? Maybe I was safe? I stayed in my bed enjoying the silence, I closed my eyes and savoured the moment. I was there for a good 5 minutes in peace. That was interupted from a phone call from Emily. I grabbed my phone and answered it.

"Hey, Em"

"Yo, can you come into school today? I haven't seen you since your birthday that was about two weeks ago I kinda miss you"

"Yeah, I guess I could come in"

"thank you Alex! "

She hung up and I got ready for school. I was still enjoying the sound of silence. Grabbed my bag and left the house. And got to the rocks where my friends meet. Emily immediately hugged me. As tight as she could. She grabbed my hand and dragged me to the back of the school..

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours?"

"Emily!  What the fuck no! That's disgusting and we are at school!!.."

"Your arms. Show me your arms"

"Oh.. I thought you were on about.. something else... um okay "

I pulled up my sleeves showing all the cuts and scars.. trying to keep away from eye contact. I heard her sigh I looked at her and she looked sad she hugged me and the slowly rolled up her sleave. Her left arm had about 4 not very deep ones and one fairly deep cut.

"E-emily? Why?"

"Everything is getting to much all the stress from school and my mum.. I'm really sorry"

The bell went and we headed to class. We had maths she sits across the room from me. And we have a little code where we give each other looks and communicate through our minds.

School continued and my happy silence disappeared I heard the biggest static noice ever! Have you ever changed channels on an old radio it all high pitched and staticy it was like that but far louder it blocked out all the noice of everyone shouting and getting to the next class my friend Kade was walking beside me. He was speaking but I had to read his lips as I could not hear him. In class I could not hear the teacher I just drew a picture in my jotter it was of a stick man in a straight jacket and was screaming. I laughed at a thought of that being me in 5 years. The static stopped and I heard the teacher..

"Alex tell me what is funny about people getting put in gas chambers!?"

"No, I ..it wasn't that.."

He gave me a look to say continue the whole class looked at me I freaked out. I grabbed my bag and hoodie and ran our the room I continued to run out down the corridor and down the stairs I bumped into the hall monitor she asked where I was going I lied and said I had been sent to matron. She continued walking and I continued running I sat in the people area and continued drawing. I couldn't breathe.. I think I blanked out.