Ally Dawson's Secret

Chapter 11: Alone

Ally's POV

I'm broken. Shattered into a million pieces. No heartbreak compares to what I'm feeling.

I had no choice. NOTHING would have worked out between us. My life doesn't allow relationships. My life is work, words, pain. That's how it is, and how it always will be. Because I don't have an escape.

If Austin ever found out my secret, then they would know. They have cameras everywhere, and they would eliminate him if they found out. And just say Austin did find out, and they didn't figure it out. What happens then? Austin sends him to jail? He's already escaped jail, twice! He will just escape again, and then I am doomed to him forever.

There is no getting out of my life. It's almost impossible.

I had to leave Austin. He doesn't understand that if he stayed, he would die. I don't know what I would do if I was the cause of his death.

I shouldn't have asked him to kiss me. I really shouldn't have.

Because it was absolutely perfect.

I didn't want it to end. It was so gentle and soft. I was about to fall over because of my weak knees, and there were fireworks everywhere. I felt so immersed in him, and I wanted to take everything back. I wanted to stay with him forever. Literally all my fears disappeared.

But you know, humans need air. So I broke the kiss, and everything came flooding back to me. That kind of kiss cannot happen for me. I can't experience things like that. That kiss was a one-time thing.

I just wanted to know what I was missing. But sometimes it's better to not know, because then you won't miss it.

I feel a million times closer to Austin, yet I can't even talk to him anymore.

I never should have spoken a word to him. Then I wouldn't be in this situation. I never would have fallen in love, and have to say goodbye.

It's not like he feels the same way. He would never love a girl like me. A girl like me doesn't get love. She gets pain, work, and words. And don't forget heartbreak.

Austin might like me a lot, but I'm probably just a fling. He probably is just looking for a temporary relationship. He doesn't love me, it's impossible.

One of my biggest prayers is that someday, I will find someone who loves me.

It's just another one of those stupid hopes that I possess.

Hope is overrated. It gives people an absurd feeling that something will happen, when it is basically impossible.

Yet, I can't stop that stupid feeling in the bottom of my stomach that everything will get better. It won't, it never has.

I just want to be like everyone else. Why do I have to do the things I do when everyone else gets a free life? I don't even know the next time I eat!

Everyone gets happiness. I don't. The only times I actually smile is when I'm with Austin, and I can't see Austin anymore.

It's just not fair.

And I guess life was never supposed to be fair. But, are there supposed to be people like me, where you literally don't have a future, yet you suffer through physical and mental pain every day?

I don't think so.

Austin's POV

I am minutes away from figuring out why Ally stays after school every day.

My plan is to stay after school, and watch what Ally does. She won't know I'm there, and neither will anyone else. I'll be like a ninja.

She arrived late to history again, this time limping. I really want to know what's going on. I can help her, I KNOW I can.