I'm still depressed and I can't get over it, I keep getting flash backs from when I was little of Mom and Dad. Well my old mom and dad, my foster parents think that now that I'm older I can handle things but I really can't. It's harder than it looks.
My mom was so beautiful she really was, she had long brown hair that I loved to play with all day and hazel eyes that I fell in love with. When I was 6 she got in to a car accident and died at the scene, it was terrible I went and saw everything. Glass was everywhere and her body was covered in a white cloth about 20 feet away from the crash. I went to the funeral and saw her body in the casket, her beautiful hair was smooth and clean but her body was so cold and pale, as I touched her skin I got scared so I walked away. Not daring to touch that thing that was in a casket. That was not my mom, my mom is still alive I know it. She never came back and I stared losing hope. Later on I realized that it really was her.
My dad on the other hand was terrible after she died. He didn't feed me or take care of me when I was sick. I did everything dishes, laundry, chores, everything and all he did was go to work, come back and lock himself in his room. When I was 7 he left for work, but this time he never came back. I called the police and they took me to a house. It was a foster house and all the kids were playing and I sat in the corner and stared at everybody. At age 12 I was adopted by Mary and Leo Smith, they cared for me. They fed me, played with me, taught me things that I never knew.
"Sweetheart dinner is ready" Mom says poking her head into my room
I bring myself back to reality
"Okay. I also need for pills by the way" I shake the bottle, showing her that there is nothing inside of it
She looks at me like she's seen a ghost and comes into my room to sit on my bed.
"Sweetheart I think it's time that you take a break from your medication. I know it's goi-"
"I-I can't, you know I can't"
"Carmen if you keep taking them you will get attached and then you won't be able to live without them and baby I don't want that for you" she touches my check with her hand gently
I look at her and I feel tears flowing up in my eyes. I think about Mom and dad and how they caressed my head when I was scared or sad. I begin to cry and my head falls on her shoulder, she holds me until I can let go. She slowly starts to tell me that I need to take a break and that I can do it, I just have to start slow and make my way up. Dinner is set and we both head downstairs to eat along with my dad. We eat chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn, I tell them what's happening at school, what's I've been doing and I even tell them about Ian and I.
"That's great sweetheart" my moms says while smiling at me
"Be careful okay I don't want him to break your heart. And if he does I'll take of that" he winks at me and laughs
I laugh and continue to eat, I wash the dishes and go back upstairs to text Ian.
Texting Ian
Carmen: hey
Ian: hey, how are you?
Carmen: I'm better, my moms insists I stop taking my medication
Ian: I think it's for the best, can I come over?
Carmen: sure
Ian comes over and I tell him that I don't want to do the next adventure due to me not feeling right. He looks at me like he's seen a ghost.
"Carmen why are you like this?"
I tell Ian everything. From my real mom and dad to the foster care I was in. He listens carefully to every word and I say and after I'm done he has a blank expression.
"You can't be like this Carmen, you have to enjoy life. See the world and do things you've always want to do, find some spay that will care about and do things with them. Carmen you need to stop taking your medication and follow me to where I take you"
I scoff "it's not that easy Ian I just can't magically get up and say oh! You're totally right. I can't just do that Ian I don't work that way I never have and I can't see myself getting better"
"You just have to try" he says while grabbing me wrist and pulling me to the window
"Ian stop, stop please I can't"
He continues to pull me towards tgw window and I break loose
"Carmen! You have to do this you can't just sit around an do nothing for the rest of your life. God dammit Carmen stop! You have to take chances you have to go out and do things. You are beautiful, witty, smart, amazing and anybody would be lucky to spend one day with you, but I go lucky enough to meet you and be with you for 2 months. Carmen just stop doing this to yourself!" Ian looks at me and is breathing heavy from anger
I ask him to leave my house and he goes, he leaves me alone in my room for me to cry. I quickly scramble through my drawer and find my medication and take it quickly. I take my antidepressants and my anxiety medication. I go to my closet and sit in the dark for the rest of the night, I don't listen to music or draw or do anything. Just sit and stare.
