Sitting in the room while Ian was being treated was probably the worst feeling that I've ever felt so far in my life. Hearing his voice though made me so relieved that he is alive and okay. The nurse that is treating me is letting me go tomorrow but I don't want to come back to this hospital. What Ian did was all my fault they were my pills, my room, my house, I left him alone.
"Excuse me, nurse. Is Ian okay?"
"The boy that started screaming yesterday?"
"Y- yeah him"
"Yesterday he was trying to.... I don't know claw his eyes out? That's what I heard. He was trying to reach for anything sharp so we had to tie him down do he doesn't do anymore damage"
I fall back on the bed and run my fingers through my hair rapidly.
"Do you know exactly what is going on with him?"
"H- his mother died a few weeks back, she was really sick and his father.. I don't know he's gone. He hasn't spoken for weeks so I brought him to my house and yolk my medication."
"What was the medication for? My I ask"
"To test my anxiety and depression"
She nods and walks out of the room quickly. As I sat there in the hospital bed alone I can hear Ian groan. He's trying to say something I can barley hear it
"C- Carmen" he says so softly you can barley hear it
I slowly get up don't bed and walk to Ian's room. I peek in quietly and can see that he is shifting in the bed, I tap on the door and enter. His arms and legs are tied down and he can't really move much. As I walk up to him he looks at me with a soft stare and soon turns into a cry. I walk up to Ian's bed and kneel down so we are face to face.
"I- I"
As I placed my hand on his arm he doesn't say another word.
"Ian when I left you alone that was probably the worst decisions I've ever made in my entire life. I know you're not okay but Ian you didn't have to do something stupid like this. I need you more than anything and I bet you your mom would not want you with her right now because she wants you to live the life that was meant for you."
"I love you"
Those were the first words I've ever heard come out of his mouth since is Mom died.
A nurse comes in a takes a look at Ian and I alone in the room. I get up and walk out of the room and into mine, that nurse looked at us weirdly like we were doing something so I started laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.
I went home the next day and decided that I would bust Ian now and then to see if he is okay and being good, I take him snacks and clothes so he can change and books so he won't get bored.
My parents don't know what happened to Ian because they are in Colorado for a business trip. They don't need to know what's going on so this will be a little secret. As I get home the pills are gone and everything is quiet in the house, it's around midnight but I'm wide awake so I step in my closet and decide to draw. I draw until the sun comes up and my wall is completely covered. No space left at all.
Not a crack left. I see the drawing that Ian drew when we started to talking. The woman's back. Memories from when Ian and I met flood back into my head while I trace all the pictures that are printed on the wall. I exit my enclosure and go to my record player, the one I pick is the one Ian picked when we were alone. He gets released tomorrow and he is staying with me until he can handle being alone. As I smile and think about him I look at my dresser, my pills sit in the bottle. I quickly go to the bathroom and dump them down the toilet. I go to my room and get rid of everything that makes me mad, diaries, photographs, notes, posters. Everything. As I sit in on the floor with most of my stuff cleared and moved in a different location until I was satisfied with what I did.
