the aftermath of us ✓

letter five

friday 14 (feb)

dear trevor,

today was my favourite day of the year. though now, i've grown to loathe it in a span of twenty-four hours. the paper hearts and pink candy scattered around the school made my head spin.

you used to make my head spin. you were just so amazing and i just don't understand what happened.

i passed you in the hall again. i'm not sure how. i've rerouted my walk to class so i don't have to see your face every time i leave the classroom. maybe you caught on to my avoidance of you and amelia.

you caught my eye and sent me a small nod. i only scowled at you before quickening my pace. i kinda hope you turned back and looked at me while i walked away. i hope it hurt you.

i've only just realized how bitter i am now. you turned me cold. i was rarely ever mad or angry or pissed off at anything but now everything annoys me.

but maybe that's not your fault. maybe the anger has been harbouring in my heart ever since we met and only now it's decided to make it's way into the world.

i'm ashamed of my attitude now. i'm just mad at myself for everything. i know i wasn't the one who ended things but

i don't know.

this kid-- reed-- gave me a candy heart today while i was hanging out in the field. i asked him why and he just shrugged. he said i looked sad and that he had more if i wanted any. i felt like a child while i sat with him, eating candy hearts out of a small ziplock bag.

the snow on the bench was making my jeans wet so i left after a little while. reed was nice, though. he has a really smooth voice that just glides into your ears and it makes whatever he says sound a lot more pleasant.

i don't know if i want to see him again, though. he's a bit like you and i can't handle a copy-paste of you.

i can see how terrible the original was.

love,

leslie