the aftermath of us ✓

letter eleven

monday 23 (mar)

dear trevor,

i really thought i'd be over you by now. i was sure i wouldn't feel the same burning in my chest that i used to feel, at least. i thought i'd be able to handle the sound of your voice and the sight of you and amelia being as happy as (i thought) we were. but you said hello to me today and everything seemed to crash down around me. i'm used to your half-hearted, pitiful smiles being flashed whenever we pass in the hall and i look like i've given up on living as a whole but i can't bear to hear you. i can look but i refuse to listen.

so when you said hi leslie out of the blue, you caught me off guard and i hate when you do that. i thought i'd never have to hear you say that again and i was just growing accustomed to the silence.

i want to beg you not to do that again but i'll never not love the way you say my name. when everyone else says it, it sounds incoherent. but your voice is like the wind that sweeps away the fog.

you know, i don't know why i give you so many metaphors. i don't know what makes you so much more deserving than anyone else. i don't know why i'm still writing to you. i hate the fact that i still don't know why. or maybe i just don't understand.

regardless, can you loosen your grip on my heart, please? i'd like it to beat normally again and the way your touch scalds and imprints your fingertips on it, hurts like fucking hell so let go. i'm sick of feeling sick whenever i see you because i know things will never be the same again so do me a favour and go away.

you know, i've just realized that maybe it's not everyone else's words that are incoherent.

maybe it's just me.

from,

leslie

a/n: yo i love this chapter a lot so i hope you liked it :) also, yay double update!!1!11