Hoseok watched Yoongi count his pills.
"Yoongi, why aren't you taking them?"
The older male smiled, emptying the entire bottle of blue pills on the coffee table. He sat cross legged on the floor, fingers spacing each pill away from each other by mere millimetres.
"I'm just wondering," he counted, "if twelve pills will be enough to overdose on."
Hoseok's blood froze.
"Yoongi? What the heck?" The brunette set down his book. "You can't think that."
"Why not?"
"Because! It's. . .scary."
Yoongi shook his head, chuckling. He went back to carefully putting back each pill in the bottle, one by one, counting to himself. "Scary, eh? You know what else is scary? That fact that it doesn't feel like it is."
"The fact that bathtubs suddenly feel like lakes. That if you stay underneath them for just the right amount of time," he sighed, as if a pretty memory were playing in his head, "you'll be transported to another realm of blue."
Hoseok stared at him, feeling his heart dip into jumps. "Is that why you've been taking such long baths? Because you've been. . .trying to drown yourself?"
"Oh come on, don't put it that way. You know how Stephen Hawking said that at the other side of a black hole, there will be a way out?" He screwed the bottle cap on, placing it inside his jeans' pocket, "well, what if at the bottom of a lake, there's a way out?"
Yoongi exclaimed. "What if I would get transported to the night sky?" He smiled in awe. "And I'd become a star then?"
The younger male felt ants crawling up and down his spine, bones slipping through his morning clothes, burning in the white wine sunlight streaming through the almost-white flock of hair that Yoongi had.
"Why are you thinking this all of a sudden?" Hoseok slipped off the couch and knelt beside Yoongi, meeting his eyes closely.
"Oh, I've always thought about this. Just never out loud." Yoongi laughed.
Yoongi laughed.
"How can you be laughing at this?" Hoseok knew that Yoongi wasn't taking his pills these days, hadn't been for the past week and a half, as December was in its first week now, yet not letting it snow just yet. Yoongi had said two days ago that he was saving them.
"Why not, Hoseok?" That on-the-edge smile back. "If you can laugh at knock-knock jokes, why can't I laugh at this?"
"Because those are jokes." Hoseok started to feel the worrying fade away, dismissing Yoongi's comments as just dark humour. "Stop joking. I'm not in the mood," Hoseok leaned his head on the blonde's shoulder.
"I'm not joking."
Hoseok lifted his head, staring at the older's face. Yoongi's pretty lips were still there, Yoongi's dark eyes were still there, but where was Yoongi himself?
"D-did I do or say something wrong, lately? Have I done anything to upset you?"
"No."
"Then why the fuck are you having thoughts of drowning and overdosing?"
Yoongi clenched his jaw and his smile was troubling, just ready to snap, like an elastic band stretched and pulled too far.
"You think that it's all about you, isn't it?" Yoongi stood up, stuffing his hands in his pockets and walking towards the window, gazing down at the endless sea of naked branches and rotten leaves.
