Infatuation

Nerves

Oh God help me, I thought to myself. This was it. This was my demise. What would happen next i had no idea. My nerves were getting the better of me and convincing me that something horrendous was in my future. Anxiety was engulfing me with suffocating uneasiness. My leg was bouncing up and down like a jackhammer tearing up the sidewalk except this one was tearing up my sanity. With each tick of the clock I'm slowly losing grip on my mind. Nonsensical thoughts were tearing me apart from the inside. I heard a loud cacophony of noises coming from across the hall, followed by the sound of glass shattering and breaking. This only peaks my distress further, allowing a small whimper of fear to emit from my lips. Whatever he's doing can't be good. A sudden fit of rage is not something that will benefit either of us. I jump in trepidation as I hear loud footsteps being made by the clunky boots he was wearing against the white tile floor. The room I'm in is quite nice. Very modern with a large clean bed and a walk in closet. Being a 19 year old girl in college this was a palace to me in retrospect to the cramped dingy dorm room I shared with my roommate Lindsay. As the thuds get louder I curl tighter into myself for protection if his bipolar flare-up was still ensuing. I was now in fetal position sideways on the bed, preparing myself for any hits or beatings I might receive as punishment for my outburst downstairs. The door slowly swings open gingerly granting him access to the room. This seemed like déja vu from this morning. was it really that long ago? It seems like this whole encounter took all but minutes. I only register his presence when his cold hand gently glides over my tear stained cheeks. Is he not mad? What changed? "Listen." He says softly, crouching down to my height. "I'm not going to hurt you for what happened down there." I let out a relieved sigh as my nerves started to calm. "But, that doesn't mean I was never upset. Look, I don't know why you can't see that I'm doing this for us. I saved from all those cruelties of the world. I saved you from the hard life of being a starving college student. You have everything you could ever want right here with me. I give you everything but all you've done is cry. I don't want you to be sad. For your sanity and mine. I-I never have loved someone the way I love you, I don't know what to do with myself Because love is a department that I don't know. I've never done this whole boy/girl thing before so please just try to like it here." The wheels in my head start to turn  as I mull over the decision that could change the course of this kidnapping.