Hooked (ML, #2.5)

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Experienced

I cringed internally looking at myself in the mirror, wearing a light pink long gown. It is gift from Logan Gutierrez, my boyfriend. He told me this is from a well-known designer in New York. I feigned my happiness as he said those words to me. I don't have a choice but to be grateful...even I was just pretending. I wish I could say it aloud...my feelings...my thoughts. But it is hard. I can't be me or, maybe someone I want to be in just a blink of an eye. Society notices the drastic change you've become. You can't be you. That fast. But there's a part of me knows I could do whatever I want. I had been doing some of it in a secret way...that no one knows. Sometimes, I wish people will become aware of it...please.

I'm going to explode any seconds, if someone pull that darn trigger in me, I'd be.

"Ms. Lana, there you go..." the girl, I forgot the name said, the hairdresser said.

Tipid akong ngumiti.

"Oh, thanks," malambing kong salita.

I winced at the tone of my voice. Tinago ko ang pagkadismaya at tinignan ang sarili ko sa salamin. There are wishes, I'd want to be true. Let it be true. I want to be sane. I want my sanity to be darn fine. I can't recognize my face. Light make up, light pink lips. So primal. My hair is in a bun. I look like a naive girl. I look so innocent. I feel so soft and untouchable, even I know, I am not, it is not.

"You look so beautiful, Miss..." anito.

Gumanti ako ng ngiti. Iniwan ako ng hairdresser mag-isa sa hotel room nang matapos ang gawain niya sa akin. I can't look straight in the mirror. Ilang beses akong napabuntong hininga kung susubukan ko mang tumingin sa salamin. I can't see myself. I can't figure it so clearly. I don't really know how to...I want to know so badly.

"Lana..." ang aral na aral na boses ni Logan ay rinig ko mula nang bumukas muli ang pintuan. I faced him and gave him the pretend sweet smile he always adore. Ngumiti siya ng malaki at kaagad na lumapit sa akin. He took my face and kissed my cheek. "You look so beautiful and sweet. They will love you!" kaagad niyang sunod.

"I hope so..." bulong ko.

"Of course! They will! You are a del Rey!" bibo niyang sagot.

I gave him a force smile.

Is that it? Because I came from a well-known family? Because of my father? Because of my brother? Because of my mother? Ganon? Will people adore me because of where I came from? Is that people standard to adore someone like me who haven't accomplish anything? Kaakibat ang pamilyang pinagmulan mo? That's crap. That's unfair. I can't believe it. People set their own standard to like a certain person. Like Logan Gutierrez and his family. Some individuals become fond of you if you have glories to be proud of. In this industry, some people intend to feign everything, plan to cope up in every ways. Because if you don't, you will drag yourself down. Kailangan alam mo kung sino ang mataas. Know your competitors, know your assets, know every damn things. This is the reason why you are living in this kind of world. This is my brother told me. But I can't be here. I don't want to be here. I need to halt and have a pit stop to think.

"Lana, are you all right?" asked by Logan.

Seryoso ang mukha nito habang nakatingin sa akin. I gave him what he expected. I smiled softly. I chuckled like a prick. "Of course, let's go." Tumayo na 'ko at kinapit ang kamay ko sa kanyang braso.

Nagsimula kaming maglakad palabas ng hotel room. I can't take him. Even his smell is making me vomit for no reason. The expensive suit, he's wearing right now, his being. I don't even know why I am here with him. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit naging boyfriend ko siya. Maybe the wave of fate is leading me to misery.