Belong - an adopted by Hamilton fanfic [Hamilton]

16. To think

[OH MY FLIPPIN GOSH THREE THOUSAND READS??? THANK YOU!]
"-I smell pizza, Rue, are you in here?", Daveed said, peaking his head inside. His expression turned confused when he saw Carson dancing around to the Doctor Who theme tune, as the closing titles started rolling. "...okay"
"Yep, I'm here, the pizza eaten though, Diggs", I giggled.
"Rue! And who's-", Carson cut him off.
"Carson", he said and sat down on the sofa.
"Well, you better go down to the merch stand and get ready, people are heading out-"
"Okay! Um, Carson, can you find your way out?", I awkwardly asked as Daveed gave me thumbs up and headed down the stairs.
"You awkward ball of remarkableness", Carson said, but hesitated. "Ruemarkable"
We both broke out in laughter.

"If you don't change your twitter username to that, I will", he said, as we ran down the stairs.
"Okay, okay, I will!", we high fived.
"See ya!"
Carson headed for the door, and I to the lobby.
"Bye!", I did my signature little wave.
I ran to the merchandise, and immediately got to work.

>> How's your selling going, Rue-Rue?
Me and Seb are missing our daily dose of you! V

I smiled at quirky way of almost always signing her texts with her name.

<< Good! This isn't forever though, I'll be back!

>> Atta Girl! V

Suddenly, I saw a girl in the queue jumping up and down by excitement as I gave them their young, scrappy & hungry tee.
"Here you go, I hope you enjoyed the show!", I forced myself to say, hopefully making the girl smile. To my success, she  did.
"Oh my god, thank you! And yes, it was amazing. You're Rue, right?", I awkwardly nodded, looking down.
Touch the table 23 times.
The girl seemed to be a few years younger than me, standing next to her mother, who handed the money over to Mike.
"This is crazy! You're so lucky", I smiled a little, as the mum took her daughter's hand.
"Mia - come on!", her mum told her lovingly.
"Okay, mum! It was nice meeting you!", she said, walking away, waving.
"You too!", I said, as I kept on counting in my head. The girl, Mia, was going out the door.
She's lucky. She's so lucky.
If I am? I don't know.

"Are you okay with me stage dooring, niñita?", Lin asked for the 9th time.
I rolled my eyes and returned to check twitter.
"Ey! Phone", Lin said, convincing, as I closed it and put it in my front pocket.
"You okay with it?", the screams outside got louder as Daveed walked outside.
I nodded, although I immediately started blinking my eyes.
"I'll just get into the car, or stay behind you. I'll be fine", rambling, I put my backpack on.
He slipped it off quickly.
"I'll take that. Stay behind me, Rue-Rue", and with that, he took my hand, in knitted mitten, and we went through the door.
Met by screaming, that only one ear of mine seemed to react to, I hid behind Lin.
People tried to push, and he tried to hold my hand as often as he could.
My breathing got heavier.
People are looking at you, don't do something wrong.
Tap your stomach 71 times. Rhythm.
Do not step on any cracks in the street stones. Otherwise Lin will die. And everyone will know that it was your fault.
Blink your eyes 56 times.
I closed my eyes. Opened them. Saw Lin signing a playbill three meters away from me, and I quickly and carefully tip toed over there, as I hid under my big woollen hat.
Snap with your hands 23 times.
He quickly looked up at me, and saw me looking from one side to another, just trying to calm myself down.
Lin hesitated for a moment, and handed the playbill back to the boy who now was jumping of excitement.
He narrowed into my eyes.
Blink, blink, blink.
Looked at my hands.
Snap, snap, snap.
I was finally done tapping.
Do it again - or Vanessa will get hurt.
And tap that wall four times. Four times that.
I could feel my legs starting to shake.
Make it done. Do it again. And again. Again.
Lin put his arm around my shoulders as I blinked frantically and tapped for my life - for someone else's life.
He stared into my eyes, a calm wave hit me, almost like a nice touch of water that spread from the eyes and to my whole body.
Still tapping, he made me take a break from the extreme concentration I had on my hands.
He seemed to look worried.
"Okay, we're definitely going to the car, niñita", Lin said softly, but quick in a concerned way. I couldn't understand why, why would he be concerned? Concerned about me?
No, you made him quit early, everything's your fault.
His arm held me as I was shaking, quickly making my tapping done, walking the path to the car, that was hidden behind the theatre. I was already wearing his hoodie, very oversized hoodie, and he put the left part of my hair behind my ear, and pulled the hood over my head, protecting me from the crowds.
Letting the screaming fans fade into a long way away.
Don't step on that. Tap that lamp. Step on that. Touch that wood.
"Rue, Rue, you don't have to do that"
And for some reason, my mind relaxed a bit.
Then, it only got worse.
Did he notice? Oh my lord, he did. I'm so stupid. People will die if I made someone notice, this can't be right, he noticed. Did he?
He softly let me get into the car first, opening the door to the front seat for me to sit, as he took place in the driver's seat.
"I'm so sorry", I managed to utter in the middle of my panicking mind. "It's, it's all a bit, too much, some- sometimes my mind, I just get these thoughts, and-"
You said it, you idiot.
You disobeyed me.
Tap the seat 56 times. Blink your eyes til I say stop.
"Shhh. It's okay. You don't have to stage door a single more time. It's alright. Everybody has a border for too much. That's fine. Don't be sorry"
I took a deep breath, happy that Lin didn't bring my pathetic scream for help up.
The lights of New York City at night swooshed past us, making me feel a feeling that was unrealistic in my opinion.
Infinite.
The dark night, street lights shining through with the endless sounds of traffic as Lin drove all the way home.
Home.
He drove one-handed, holding a tight grip around me little finger, never letting go once under the whole trip.
Was this how it - my life - was supposed to be?
A man, driving home, looking at me like I was his daughter.
At home, a woman, looking at me with that look a mum only gives her child. A child, seeing me as his sister.
Was this how other kids was treated?
With love & care, like there was no tomorrow.
It wasn't understandable.
All this, as we lightly talked about anything and everything.
To be honest, I think it was a secret mission of him to put my mind on other things.
But-
Stamp your feet - four times on each one.

"G'night, niñita", Lin said as he walked past my door. It warmed my heart a little.
"Night!", I replied.
Soon there would be a silent house, in the darkness.
And my mind would find a million reasons to stay awake.
But I was too tired, too tired to care for the nagging reminders back in my head.
I would have to pay for it tomorrow, but for once, I could sleep without thinking of what might happen tomorrow or how to preserve it from happening.
For once, I slept.
This time only.
For Vanessa, for Lin, for Sebastian.
-----
Hey there!🐝
Ending this chapter, on a kinda good note.
Not much happening - sorry. Just overprotective adoreble Lin much and such Vanessa making sure cuteness.
And then there's Rue's head. Sorry. But things will always come to an end, keep that in mind! It always gets a bit better.
Hopefully this was alright🎈

Much od Rue's thinking in this chapter - and I am very sorry about that. Do y'all like it when I write it a bit more personal, like this? It's up to you.💐

Also; still has questions for Rue open! They will be answered in a chapter, so get creative!🌈

Please comment what you thought of this one - everything makes me happy💓
Thank you for reading even this time.

Sincerely,
C

Published; 10th of January 2017