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Chapter 10

Blair

    I was in my room with Carter. We were laying down on my bed, side-by-side, staring up at the ceiling. Silence surrounded us and it was peaceful. Glancing at Carter, I wondered why he was so quiet for once. Usually he had a lot to say.

Carter seemed deep in thought as he stared up at the ceiling, his body rising and falling as he breathed. His eyebrows furrowed and suddenly he looked at me, his eyes full of concern. I frowned at that, wondering what was going on.

"Are you okay?" Carter asked, his eyes growing soft. "I was just thinking about summer and the way I found you that day. Are you okay?"

I found myself blushing at the memory and suddenly, my mind was going back to that day. It was probably one of the worst days of my life and I found myself reliving it.

Erin had dragged me to a party because she had wanted to at least go to one before we graduated. I really didn't want to go and I had tried to come up with an excuse, but nothing worked. I was dragged to the party where there were too many people, alcohol, and music that was so loud I knew I wouldn't be able to hear when I got home.

Erin and I were standing in a hallway, watching as people danced. Neither of us danced so we just awkwardly stood there, looking around the house that was filled with our classmates. And to my surprise, a boy suddenly approached Erin and asked her to dance. To more of my surprise she agreed, which left me alone as they left to go somewhere.

I continued to stand in the hallway, but suddenly I felt lonely. Actually, I felt like a loner who had no friends since everyone was surrounded by others. Everyone seemed to be having a blast, except me. It left me feeling so isolated and lame, which was why I decided to head to the kitchen and get a drink to keep myself busy. I couldn't leave until Erin wanted to, so I wanted to keep myself distracted until then.

Going to the kitchen that was crammed with people, I maneuvered my way to the stack of beer on the dining table. Grabbing a bottle, I found myself wondering what I was doing. I had never drank before. It wasn't something I was into, but I was bored and feeling bad, so I knew alcohol might be the solution I needed to feel better. It was my first and last party, so might as well get the full experience.

After taking a sip, I found myself cringing at the disgusting taste of the beer. But because I was curious to know what it was like to get drunk, I decided to drink more. I kept drinking, finding myself forgetting all of my problems for the first time, and before I knew it I was drunk. I wasn't a happy, carefree drunk, however. Turned out, I was an emotional one.

Stumbling, I found myself growing sad. I found myself thinking about all the reasons why I was a waste of space and how my parents loved Claire more than me. I thought about how I only had one friend and how she had ditched me at a party, which left me tearing up. Putting a hand to my mouth, I couldn't believe I had drank. Why was I so pathetic and unable to let loose?

Knowing I was about to cry, I found myself wanting to be alone. I quickly left the kitchen and went upstairs, finding myself unable to walk straight. Soon I ended up in an empty bedroom and slamming the door shut, I fell onto the bed and buried my face into the warm covers on it. Tears fell out of my eyes as I began to cry about everything I usually repressed.

In a few minutes, I heard the door open. Sitting up with my tears still streaming down my face, I looked to the door and became surprised when I saw Carter stumbling in. I had never talked to him and when he looked at me, he seemed taken aback. He then closed the door and scratching his neck awkwardly, seeming uncomfortable - which was exactly how I felt as I realized I was still crying.

"Um, are you okay?" he asked uneasily, staring at me.

"No," I said, admitting the truth I had been hiding for years. "And I'd like to be alone, so it would be nice if you left."

I didn't want to be rude, but I didn't want to be around anyone. Not when I was crying and looking so weak.

Carter walked over to me, seeming lost. He then sat down on the bed next to me and to my surprise, he began to rub my arm gently. I stared at him, confused on why he was comforting me. We were strangers.

"I'm not really good at comforting people," Carter said, looking at me with sad eyes. "But if it makes you feel better, I think you're beautiful."

I was completely caught off guard by his words. Staring at him with wide eyes, I then realized no one had ever told me that. No guy for sure, which left me staring at Carter, wondering if he meant it. Admittedly, the words were nice to hear.

"Do you really mean that?" I asked shyly, my eyes growing soft.

"Yes," he said confidently, brushing a strand of my hair away from my face. "Even though you're one of the quiet girls in school, I always seemed to notice you."

I was touched by his words. All my life I thought no one acknowledged me. I thought no one cared about me and that I was inadequate. But Carter's word made me feel like I wasn't. For the first time, I realized I wasn't totally invisible.

Carter and I stared at each other for a moment, and then I found myself leaning forward. I had never been kissed. I had never been touched by a guy until Carter put his arms around me and pulled me to him. We then kissed and kept kissing, our minds on each other and nothing else. The rest was then history.

My face went red at the memory. I couldn't believe I had done what I ended up doing with Carter. It was my first time and I was drunk, but yet I didn't regret it anymore. Maybe it was embarrassing, but I realized I wouldn't have Carter as my safe haven if it weren't for that day.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I answered, realizing I hadn't said anything for a couple of minutes. "But please forget about that day."

I didn't want Carter remembering the emotional wreck I had been that day. I was usually so strong and uncaring, so that part of that day was still mortifying to me. No one had ever seen me break down, not even my family, so I hoped Carter would forget about it.

"I can't forget, even if I tried," Carter said, smiling as he looked at me.

My cheeks heated up and I looked away. I knew he wasn't talking about how emotional I had been, which left my insides feeling warm. Carter had apparently always thought I was beautiful, but it was that day that made him fall for me. Curious to know what made him like me, I decided to ask.

"Why do you like me?" I asked.

"You're beautiful in every way possible," Carter simply said. "Smart, fun, and everything I had been looking for. I also really like how quiet you are. I know that sounds weird, but I like how... different you are compared to our classmates."

I stared at him and found myself smiling. I loved hearing his words. I loved hearing that I was special to someone and that I had traits that made me admirable. Those words were needed by someone who never received any compliments, which left me taking Carter's hand and squeezing it.

That was exactly why I couldn't stop what I had with Carter. After so many years of being deprived of love and kind words, it meant so much to receive them. Even if it involved so much drama, it was really, really nice to finally have someone in your life that thought you weren't a waste of space.