Switch Up

Chapter 28

Blair

    I sat in a bathroom stall, taking deep breaths to calm myself down. I couldn't believe it. Even though I knew most secrets never remained secrets, I couldn't believe the entire school learned that I had been hooking up with Carter. It was humiliating.

    I put my face in my hands, wishing I could disappear. For the past half hour I had been hiding in the washroom, wondering what to do. With everyone knowing about what I did, I didn't want to show my face. Knowing I would be the talk of school, I wished I could disappear forever.

    Biting my lip, I felt myself tear up as I wondered how Tori had found out. It had to be either Claire or Carter who told her and the thought of that crushed me. Even though I had hurt the both of them, I had cared about them. I did trust them and it hurt that they would betray me. But sighing, I knew I deserved it. After everything I had done, I was just receiving my karma.

    Pulling out my phone from my pocket, I checked the time and groaned lightly. Class was about to start and if it had been any other day, I would have skipped. But we had a test, which meant I had to go unless I wanted to get a zero. For a second I thought about that option, but then decided against it when I knew that my English mark had to be as high as possible for me to go to the university of my choice.

    My heart began to race as I stood up. I knew everyone's eyes would be on me and the thought of that left me nauseas. Closing my eyes, I forced myself to breathe. I told myself to pay attention to no one. With that, I left the stall and left the washroom.

    People were heading to class, which meant the hallways were packed. Everyone was doing their own thing, but somehow they all seemed to notice me. All of their eyes flew to me and I froze in my spot, surprised. People began to whisper and I felt self-conscious, so I quickly walked to class. It was my least favourite class because everyone I had hurt - and Tori - was in that class.

    Eyes seemed to follow me as I walked and I was thankful when I reached the classroom quickly. There were a few people inside and their eyes flew to me when I entered, leaving me blushing as they analyzed me. I didn't know why everyone was staring at me. I didn't understand what they would get from that.

    Sitting at my usual seat, I waited for Erin to come. I didn't know how she felt and ashamed, I knew she would think I was horrible. Even though I was, my heart dropped at the thought of Erin judging me.

    Sighing, I pulled out my phone and began to scroll through Facebook. Praying the day would fly by, I zoned out of reality as I left my focus on my phone. I was so focused that I didn't realize that Erin had sat beside me.

    Suddenly hearing her sneeze, my head flew up. I looked over at her and my eyes widened because I hadn't realized she came. She was staring at me, her eyes full of judgement, and immediately I knew I was right. Erin was judging me and she thought I was horrible. I found myself shrinking at that.

    "Why didn't you tell me?" Erin asked. "I thought I was your best friend."

    "I... I..." I didn't know what to say.

   I hadn't told anyone. No one was supposed to find out, but yet everyone knew.

   "Honestly Blair, I can't believe you did that," Erin said, leaving me feeling more ashamed than ever. "Claire is your sister. You knew she liked Carter and you were hooking up with him. I just.. Don't get it. It doesn't seem like something you would do."

    It wasn't something I would do. If someone told me that I would be hooking up with Carter a year ago, I would have thought they were insane. I was a quiet person who hated drama. It didn't make sense that I would do what I did, but yet I had. I had and I regretted it with every ounce of my soul.

    "I know," I said.

    "Is that all you have to say?" Erin asked. "Seriously Blair, you're not going to justify yourself?"

    I knew why I had done what I had done, but it didn't make me seem like a better person. I was insecure, lonely, and I needed someone. Carter was someone who made me feel secure and not alone, so that was why I hooked up with him. It was a selfish reason and if I were to explain that to Erin or even Claire, I was pretty sure they'd hate me more.

    "I'm sorry Blair, but I can't be friends with someone who would do that," Erin suddenly said, making my heart drop. "And honestly, it hurts that you didn't talk to me about any of this. Sure, I would judge you, but I would've helped you through it too. It's too late now."

    I didn't know what to say, but I found heart breaking as the last person who was at my side left me. Erin turned around and got up, walking off to another desk. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, to make things right again, but there was nothing I could say. I was horrible and there was nothing I could do to fix what I had done.

    The day went by and everywhere I went, I felt eyes on me. I could hear people talking about me, saying that I was the worst sister ever and no wonder I had no friends. Those words hurt. Having attention on me made me want to break down. And with no one to turn to, I felt like an outcast. I felt like a loser and I didn't know how I would last three more months in high school. With everything that happened, I wasn't sure if I could make it through a week.