Switch Up

Chapter 11

Claire

I couldn't help but feel like my plan was going nowhere. After a week of dressing up and trying to be around Carter, it was obvious that he could care less about me. He never seemed to acknowledge me and to be honest, it hurt. It left me feeling deflated and I felt like giving up, but I kept telling myself to hold onto hope.

But knowing I needed help, I decided to do something that I had never pictured doing. Walking to Blair's room, I decided to get some boy advice from my sister.

Knocking on her bedroom door, I asked to come in. Blair said sure and I opened the door and stepped in. Blair was laying on her bed, on her laptop as usual. I stared at her, weirdly nervous.

"Hey, I need some help," I said, causing Blair to sit up.

She looked extremely confused. I didn't blame her because I had never asked her for help. Although we were twins and had spent every moment of our lives together, we were pretty independent of each other. Help was never needed, until now.

"With?" Blair asked, studying me.

"Boys," I blurted out, blushing. "Well, Carter."

To my surprised, Blair began to blush as well. She seemed flustered and it was kind of cute. It was rare to see any sort of expression from her.

"Why are you asking me?" Blair asked, flabbergasted.

"Carter likes you. There's something about you that makes him like you," I said. "Do you know what that is so I can start acting that way?"

Blair blinked and I knew we were having a strange conversation. I was basically begging my sister to tell me how to be more like her, which was something neither of us would have ever expected. I found myself fighting back a smile at that.

"You don't need to change yourself for a guy," Blair eventually said, serious.

"I know," I said, sighing. "But I really need your help anyways. What do you think Carter is into?"

Blair looked up thoughtfully and I felt relieved. She actually seemed to be thinking of an answer and I prayed it would be good. I was growing desperate and I was willing to do anything.

"Carter seems to like intelligence," Blair finally said. "He likes kind people because he's a pretty nice guy and I guess... he likes unique people. Try to express those traits and he'll be falling for you in no time."

"He likes those things?" I couldn't help but be stunned. "Really? He doesn't seem like the type."

"Hey." Blair raised her eyebrows. "Don't stereotype him and make him out to be some jock."

I couldn't help but laugh, knowing I was doing exactly that. It wasn't intentional, people just had a way of making assumptions.

"My bad," I said, smiling. "But how do you know these things?"

Blair hesitated for a second, which left me confused. But before I could react, she spoke.

"I don't know, I guess I hear a lot of stuff around school."

I nodded, knowing that made sense. Blair was an observant person, unlike me. She probably knew a lot about our peers, even if it wasn't intentional.

"Makes sense," I said, smiling at her once again. "Thanks for the advice. Seriously, it means a lot."

Blair gave me a small smile and I found myself feeling happy. It had been so long since we'd talked like this. I swear we never had an actual conversation since the start of freshman year, which made me feel guilty since I knew that it was my fault. I was the one who threw away what we had for popularity and staring at my twin, regret filled me.

"I miss you," I confessed, knowing I had been holding back those words for the past three years.

Blair seemed completely caught off guard by my words. She stared at me for a moment, completely stunned and I felt embarrassed. Although I was a very open person, Blair was the one person who made me feel shy about expressing my feelings. I had a feeling it was because she was a very closed off person.

Since Blair wouldn't say anything, I said, "I honestly hate myself for getting mad at you in grade nine because you didn't want to be popular with me. It was your decision, so I shouldn't have cut you off. I shouldn't have pushed you away because even though I was hurt, I had no right to treat you like that just because you wanted something different. I... I'm sorry."

Blair seemed completely in shock from my words and I didn't blame her. I had spent three years of my life letting Blair walk out of my life. I had spent three years almost resenting her for not choosing to stick by my side and become popular. Until right then, I had never imagined myself apologizing.

"Say something," I whispered, wishing she would stop staring at me with a stunned expression. "I wish what I did didn't ruin how close we were. You're my twin and I just realized I miss you so much."

To my utter surprise, Blair blurted out, "It's too late."

I became stunned by her words. Staring at her with wide eyes, I found my heart aching. I couldn't believe it. She was throwing away my offer, even after I had poured my heart out.

"What?" I asked, hurt.

"It's too late Claire. It's been three years," Blair said, looking away from me. "You can't fix something that lasted that long. I really don't think we could ever be close again."

I couldn't believe her words. She couldn't just not try to make things work between us. Didn't she care about what we once had? Didn't she miss me like I missed her?

"You never know," I said, helpless. "Why don't we at least try to build the bond I broke?"

"I don't like wasting my time," Blair said bluntly, sighing. "Please... Leave my room."

Her words were so painful and knowing I would break, I whirled around and stalked off. Making sure to slam the door so she knew how angry I was, I went to my room and found myself tearing up. But, I didn't cry. Blair wasn't worth my tears if she was going to act that way, so I took a deep breath in and told myself I didn't need her. I had spent the last three years without her, I could manage the rest of myself without her just fine.