The Painter's Amour

His Charade

"It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight." - Vladimir Nabokov

11. His Charade (Dante)

The tangerine color of maple leaves waltzing in the wind was the scenery that continued to play in my vision as I rode inside the horse carriage. It was already the beginning of autumn season and it will not be long before my family will go for an out-of-town retreat which will start from mid-autumn until the end of winter season. Just the mere thought of it was making me unhappy.

I don't know if I should be celebrating like I usually do because I knew that I will be obliged to go with my parents as per custom and because I knew too that I can't possibly bring Julian with me.

It brought me with a solemn feeling that was making me want to stay behind. I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Headache perhaps?" a male voice snapped me from my daze and I glanced to Lucas who was sitting in front of me and facing my direction.

I shrugged his presence especially my thoughts also and decided to focus my attention to the card catalogs in my grasp. These catalogs contain the name and address of various restaurants around the town.

I decided to bring Julian to a dinner later but then I still couldn't decide as to what place we will spend our first date. No doubt I must look pathetic right now since I was nervous about this evening dinner idea. Although it was not my first time since I've done it a lot with Amelia.

It just that, knowing I'll be doing it with him makes me frantic to no end.

What if he didn't like any of these restaurants? What if our first date turns horrible? What if he becomes disappointed of me tonight? I groaned again to cease this anxiety in me.

Seriously why was I so anxious?

"You've been groaning for quite a while." I glanced back to my footman again. He was looking at me with a blank expression and arms crossed in his chest.

"None of your business." I replied bluntly as I put the catalogs inside my coat pocket.

The scenery outside the window was still that of tall maple trees with their fallen leaves dancing along the cool breeze.

It'll take another couple of minutes before we reach the Ashworth estate. It was my dear mother's request to me that I visit my fiancée and start courting her for real because our wedding was just a few hundred days away.

And the mere thought of it brought me with this solemn feeling again that makes me want to cancel our wedding. Something in my heart screamed to me to not marry my long time fiancée and be together with my other lover instead.

This feeling was so confusing and it did nothing but send my mind in turmoil.

I groaned for the third time. "I heard that your family will have an out-of-town vacation. Is this reason why you're not in a good mood?" his voice rang to my ears again however his statement was what trapped my attention.

"How did you know that?" I asked with a forlorn face albeit he simply raised an eyebrow at me.

"Of course I know about it. I am one of your household servants and it's not hard to know what goes on around the house especially about personal matters. Like yours if I might add." he explained and I narrowed my eyes upon mentioning my secret like it was not big of a deal.

"And what of it?" I immediately replied and I noticed his blank expression turning into a serious one.

"Then tell me, are you going to tell him that or are you simply leaving him behind?" he asked and I felt my shoulder stiffened hard. Well I haven't thought about telling Julian about that but surely I won't even think of doing the latter. Not a single chance.