The Painter's Amour

His Request

Chapter 32: His Request

"The only time you ever really lose love is when you choose to let it go." – Jessica Fortunato

Dante Scarfone

The clock on my wristwatch continued to tick as the man took off the bandages from my hand, I sat still on the couch breathing but inside I was dead. It has been a month since the accident or should I say, since the day I lost the ability to paint. They said that time mends all kinds of pain but not in my case because time hindered my despair from fading away – time simply couldn't heal all the wounds in my heart.

"The cut is already healed but I still don't advise him to lift heavy things." James stated to my mother as if I wasn't in front of him, not that I'll listen to him anyway.

"Rest assured, James. I'm making sure he won't stress himself." Helena replied.

Right, she had been keeping a close eye on me since then. She refused to pass the duty of taking care of me on someone else, even if that someone is said to be the topnotch nurse in our country. She took complete responsibility as a mother caring for her child.

She also denied letting me be on my own ever since. I guess I lost her trust too.

The man nodded, "That's good. I'll see him before the end of the week so I could prepare him for the diagnosis and..." I distanced my senses from their discussion and chose to retreat in a dark place inside my head where hurtful things won't be able to hunt me down.

But in doing so, hollowness welcomed me with open arms instead.

How much empty can I be? I thought to myself however it was much better than feeling depressing emotions again and again. It was much better because I won't be suffering then.

"Do you agree, son?" my mother's touch on my shoulder pulled me back from my own desolation. "James, here, said that he could recommend us to a famous doctor in another country where the best therapy will be offered to you. It's not guaranteed but it couldn't hurt to go right?"

I remained still, thinking her opinion thoroughly.

"No, I'm not going." I turned down without hesitation – it wasn't because of some big reason but rather because I already knew that the result would be the same – I can feel it in my hand that I'll be carrying this kind of burden for the rest of my life and that I already accepted such an inevitable fact a month ago.

"But why, don't you want to paint again?" she asked, confused.

"Of course I want to but... I decided not to." I replied while looking nonchalant at the air.

Indeed, I decided to let go of it. I let go of the desire I had in arts and painting because I couldn't paint anymore, injured or not.

So many painful things happened to me and I guess I lost the passion as time prolonged. Losing the only man I had ever loved in this world caused a great impact in my life and this heart of mine will never be the same as before – I'll never be the same again and that the sad truth, I admit.

Helena's rueful eyes found mine and she looked like she was trying her best to act as my last pillar of strength.

But the depressing thing was, she wasn't the pillar I needed.

"I want to understand you and I want to help you, Dante, but I can't do it if you keep up this kind of attitude." she tried to sound like she was reprimanding me but failed to do so.

I looked around and did my best to not meet her stare since after all, what she said was true. I changed so much from the time I met him and up to this moment. The person I used to be before will never brood like this and definitely will never be a failure like the person I was.