The Painter's Amour

His Goodbye

Chapter 17: His Goodbye

“Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter.” – Melissa Marr

Dante Scarfone

The rain still poured down profoundly outside and the humid atmosphere was enveloping my body in a cold embrace. However it was nothing compared to how my blood felt cold as I stared at the man I wanted to see least in this day, the man named Julian.

“Dante...” he called to me in between his raspy breath.

But why was he here? Even though I wanted to know why, I immediately dismissed the thought and tried to think for a good excuse but I couldn’t think of one.

“Where are you going? Why do you have luggage with you?” he asked me and the miserable look he was giving me only made my guilt more burdensome than it was.

He stood trembling from the cold in front of me and just looking at his state made it all the more difficult for me to leave. Steam continued to escape his angelic lips and somehow it brought me the urge to kiss him passionately to warm him but I held back.

I looked away unable to see him straight and deep in the eyes. I gritted my teeth together, incapable of answering his question truthfully. I simply stood helpless on my two feet.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” he asked me again and this time he tried to reach to me with his shaking hand but I slapped his hand away in impulsiveness.

It gave me more guilt but I endured it. I didn’t want him to touch me, knowing that his gentle touch would give me a change of heart and make all my problems dwindle away. I didn’t want him to touch me because it will make me feel weak more than anything.

I didn’t want him to touch me because I was a disgusting unfaithful man.

He stared at me shocked of my harsh action towards him and it made him more dismal. Tears were starting to cloud his silver eyes despite his obvious attempt to hold it back.

“Please don’t leave me.” he pleaded in desperation and hearing those words felt like a punch in my chest and I almost wanted to cry if it wasn’t for my pointless courage.

Please go away. Don’t make this harder for me. I thought to myself.

But it didn’t reach him. “You promised me. You promised me you will stay...” he said with his faint tone fading out of grief however those words shattered the last control I had left in my conflicting emotions.

“Promise? I should be the one saying that to you because in fact you’re the first one who promised me that you wouldn’t bother me anymore after that night but did you? No because you had the nerve to appear on that dinner.” I replied, enraged.

“It was you who first broke your promise when you agreed to teach me on the piano because you could have refused regardless of the reason but you did not. To make matter worse, you agreed to be my affair when you could have denied if you are wise enough.” I included.

“It was all your fault and you just had to push all the blame and guilt to me. Who’s the cruel one huh?” I exclaimed with all anger in me but it subsided the moment I saw the defeated expression he had in his face.

The demise look on him like his heart died and it crushed me in the inside.

I cursed myself under my breath and proceeded to climb the stagecoach with Emily still assisting me by my side with an umbrella. It didn’t bother me that she got to see such spectacle because I trust her that she will not tell a soul about it. Before I could enter the quarters, familiar arms clung into me in embrace.