The New Avenger

Empty

Peter's POV

Of course I forgot dinner with Aunt May. Again. Here's the thing- I really didn't mean too. Lately though, everything is a struggle. Wow,you might be thinking, that's not over dramatic at all. The truth is,its not. Just dragging myself out of bed in the morning is a struggle. Joking around at school, doing my homework, even paying attention in class, its all somehow beyond me. Befriending Percy is taking so much energy, which is ridiculous because he's a nice guy. I can't sleep and I'm afraid to take the meds Aunt May got me. The worst part is, they work. And they work well. The problem is I'd take to many. Even though one is prescribed I was taking three, four, five a nigh, just trying to get rest. I knew they could kill me. I knew I might not wake up in the morning. And a small, traitorous, all to evident part of me almost hoped I wouldn't wake up, hoped that it would all just end and I could lie to myself for all eternity that it was an accident. And that is terrifying because this is never who I wanted to become.

So now I don't sleep. There are worse things, I'm sure. But everything is so hard. Its whiny, I know. But I just don't know if its worth trying anymore. Because what can one person do in the grad scheme of the universe? Nothing. A whole lode of nothing. It's a constant battle, staying. 

The only thing that feels natural, that feels right, is being Spider-man. Pulling on that mask. Becoming someone else. Sometimes I think that Spider-man isn't really me. Other times, its as if I'm no longer Peter Parker at all, and the only thing left inside me is Spider-man. I'm nobody at all because I'm trying to be too many. Someday soon I'll have to chose who I'm going to be. Except I don't know who I am. Maybe parts of me are Spider-man and parts are still Peter Parker. Maybe I'm living two lives and couldn't live without either. It's ridiculous really,because people always say to ask a trusted adult if you ever need to talk, but seriously what am I supposed to say "Hi Aunt May! Just fyi I'm Spider-man and can't decide if I want to be your nephew or the masked hero that goes around saving the city. What do you think I should do?" I'm sure she'd be able to give me lodes of really applicable advice pulled from her own life. I'm not being fair to her, of course. She has always done her best by me. Even though its my fault that Uncle Ben is dead and she is alone and we have money issues she is unfailing kind to me. She loves me and I don't deserve it. Every single night I go out and lie to her. I disappoint her and I fail her. And every single night she loves me just the same.

Of course, she doesn't know what I do. So perhaps that makes it even worse. A simple diner won't fix all that is wrong between us, all the wrong that she doesn't know about. All the wrongs nobody can know about. But maybe it'll stop our relationship from getting worse.Maybe I can stay Peter for a little while longer before it all falls apart. Except it seems as if everything already is.

I'm almost home, yet I don't want to arrive. Here's the thing, sure,its in the job description of a masked hero to lie, and I don't mind it most of the time. But I hate lying to Aunt May. It feels fundamentally wrong. All these year's she's looked after me. Now I'm lying to her face. Every single hour of every single day I lie to everyone around me. Even if I say nothing at all I'm lying if you count not telling someone the whole truth as a lie. 

If nothing else I've learned that avoiding a problem won't make it go away. Problems are like trash- they don't get better with age. Seriously, you let a super villain stew for a while and they'll just show up with cooler weapons and a prolonged grudge. Not to compare my aunt to a super villain or anything.

The front door creaks as it opens, which is weird because I don't remember it being so loud. Its sort of annoying. The whole house aches with a sort of wrongness. The radio isn't playing. No one is talking on the phone. There's no delicious smells coming form the kitchen. In the whole house nothing stirs. And that is most certainly not normal. 

Moving quicker now I search every single room. Nothing is out of place. Nothing moves. The house is empty.  No Aunt May. 

By the time I finish going through the house and its obvious that she isn't here my heart is thudding. Brain whirring I have no clue what to do. Aunt May called me less than a half an hour ago to remind me to come, so I have the right date. There's no note, but Aunt May wouldn't just leave. 

Hands shaking I pick up the phone. But who to call? Who would believe me? An elderly lady showing up late for dinner isn't a big deal. Unless, of course, you're Spider-man and have a secret identity and with that identity lots of people who'd love to kill you.

"This is the life model decoy of Tony Stark. Please leave your message."

"What?!?!" The voice startles me, because I hadn't even realized I was dialing. 

"Oh. Um. Mr. Stark I have a bit of a problem. Well, maybe. I don't even know. But if I do then its a really big problem. Um, just call me back when you get this. I mean, I know you're really busy but if you have a moment I think my Aunt May might be missing. Actually I'm pretty sure she is. But I don't really know." My voice wanders on. Fear has deleted any filter between brain and mouth.

"Kid. Seriously, stop talking. You're rambling. Whats going on." Stark's voice comes through the phone. I'm already so shot that I'm not even surprised.

"My aunt called me to remind me to come to dinner but now I'm home and I looked everywhere except she isn't here. I mean she could have just gone out except she would've probably left a note or something and I have no clue where she could be and me being me I have a lot of enemies and she can't get hurt." Just the thought of my aunt hurt because of me is horrifying. If that were to happen I could never forgive myself.

"Have you noticed anything weird, or unusual? Somebody hanging around your house? Anything out of the ordinary?" Stark sounds worried, which is a bad sign.And despite my growing trust of my new neighbor he is weird, unusual, has been around to my house and in no world would you call him ordinary.

"My new neighbor, Percy. I don't know what to make of him."

"Alright. Stay where you are. I'll be over in fifteen minutes. Just stay put."

"Please come quickly." I hate myself as soon as its out of my mouth, because my voice broke. But I can't lose Aunt May. Not now. Not after everything. The universe wouldn't be that cruel. If she's gone I'll be gone too. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I don't know how much longer I want to hold on.

A/N

Sorry its late. I keep doing this... But this week I'm going to blame the real-life Radi, because she is a stalker and found my account (seriously, I have no idea how she managed it. Dark magic and to much time, perhaps?). So my week has been a series of blushes due to my dear friend. Anyway, its here now (and so is my dear stalker friend) Have a great week Random Strangers! (and stalkers)