The New Avenger

Silence

Peter's POV:

After Percy's confession silence reigns. Weakness isn't something he likes to admit to, nobody does. He just did though. And when I called him out he stopped trying to pick a fight, although he did deny trying to start one at all. I guess even if we're wrong we don't want to admit it, as humans we can't stand to have been not right. Our pride blinds us. Still, even if he didn't admit to having done anything wrong he made it right as well as he could. He told us something, he told me something. It wasn't true though. Even if I wanted to believe him, and at this point I'm not sure I want to, I couldn't. His lie might have been flawless but I still hold to what I said. Somethings can't be faked. But then again, some truths can never be said.

"Alright, we can work with that."  Mr. Stark grins. "How'd you feel about some sort of baton/sword/speary type thing?"

"Um, I guess that could work?" Percy sounds skeptically, but not as though he couldn't use the weapon. More like he has no idea how those three things could be combined into one weapon. If there's one thing I've learned though it's that you shouldn't question Mr. Stark when he's inventing, even if his idea sounds absolutely insane. I mean sure, about 85% of the time they are absolutely insane but that other 15%? That's pure, undiluted insane genius. 

" I'm thinking a titanium gold alloy like my suit, except sharpened obviously. I should make it collapsible! That would make it more light weight as well as making it more versatile and transportable. Ohhhhhh! How'd you feel about lasers? Is that even a question? Of course you want lasers! Who doesn't want lasers? An idiot. That's who doesn't want lasers." Mr. Stark continues speaking excitedly to no one as he leaves the room. He does that a lot. We both stare at the door for a moment. Percy seems slightly worried about Mr. Stark's mental health.

"Don't worry about him. He'll show up in a couple of hours with either a super cool, perhaps over elaborate, weapon. Or he'll be in a terrible mood and likely drunk."

"And you call that a situation not to worry about?" Percy seems rather incredulous.

"That's his normal."

"He should meet my friend. They'd get along really well." For a second Percy is happy, he travels to another, kinder, place. Until he is rushed back to reality. Not a reality I know, but a reality his friend must. It isn't a kind place anymore, "They would've probably destroyed the world together accidentally or something." A fond laugh escapes Percy's lips.

"Would've?" I shouldn't pry, but I'm not. Some truths can never be said but some must be.

"Leo- my friend, well, he's, he's not in the picture right now." Percy's brow furrows, pain radiates from his faces. It nearly knocks me over. He blames himself for whatever happened to Leo, "But he's going to be fine. Leo'll probably blow up a few mountains or something and then come rising into camp of Festus or something insane like that." 

In that one sentence I think Percy revealed more truth about himself and his life than he has in the entire time we've known each other. I'm almost dying to ask who Festus is, what camp is, why Leo would blow up a few mountains and why that isn't a bigger deal. More than that though I want to know where Leo went, why he went. Why Percy blames himself.

I don't ask though. If I did all I would be told is more lies. This information has to be freely given, and I can wait. Hopefully.

The silence drags but I can't be the one to break it. It isn't my place. Still, Percy is fidgeting, the clock is ticking, and I need to figure out if Percy is even able to walk well enough to come with us. In hindsight I probably should've checked that first. 

The silence isn't being broken, it just keeps handing there. The elephant in the room. A million years pass. The sun sets and rises and sets again and again and again. Bodies turn to skeletons. Skeletons turn to dust. Dust to nothing, nothing at all. And still the silence reigns. To much has been said. To many secrets dangle tauntingly over us. This unearthly silence is our master.

It has to be broken. It has to stop, even if it isn't my place.

"Sounds like he and Mr. Stark would get along." A smile somehow makes its way onto my face.

"Yeah."Percy smiles too, fake. I don't know why we all lie, these fake grins, these loud lips, these careless laughs, they're all fake. All day we spend our energy making everyone else believe that our lives are perfect, that we're so happy.  I know I'm not. Nobody is. Lying to liars. Maybe if we spent some of the energy reserved for lying on something else we'd make ourselves into a better version of us. Maybe then we wouldn't have to lie. 

Except we'd die before we got there. Our grins have to be huge, ours voices have to be loud, our laughs have to be louder. Hurt people hurt people Aunt May always said. I never understood, I never wanted to understand. If everyone's lying about their smiles then everyone has to be hurting pretty bad. Does it make them feel better to tear others down? Does it sooth their own pain to watch another bleed? When they aim their sharpened words, throw their loaded sentences do they feel a thrill? Is there a rush when the victim falls to the ground, broken, bleeding? No one can ever get to the top because first you have to fall the the bottom. By the time you hit the bottom the only place for you to go is six feet lower. Everyone else makes sure of that.

"Peter, Peter? You good?" Percy's voice breaks into my spiraling thoughts. Down down down. It's the only place to go. There's so much darkness, so much hate. Is there anything but this hate? Anything but this hiding? Hiding from who you are, who you were, who you could be?

"Peter, come on, snap out of it. You're in the sick room in some building, somewhere. It's fine. You're safe." Percy's voice is intense, and I realize with a jolt that he's saying the words he wishes someone would say to him when he leaves the room. Except his descriptions of our location is so vague that that in and of itself is enough to pull me up.

"We're in the infirmary Percy." I laugh. And it's real. "In the Avenger's Tower, still in New York."

"Well in that case you're in the inferiority in the Avenger's Tower in New York City." He smirks.

This time my laugh is truly real, "Percy, it's the infirmary, not the inferiority." I'm laughing so hard though that I'm not sure he understands.

"That's what I said." Percy tries to argue. But his face is like a puppy being told to sit for the first time- utterly confused.

"Of course." I nod knowingly, "Anyway, how bad are your injuries?" 

Percy winces and unconsciously rubs his right arm. His face is a mess of rapidly forming bruises, it was my fault, me being blind and careless and self-centered. 

"Not to bad. You pack quite the punch though." He raises his eyebrows rather painfully, "I mean, I'd have pegged you for a sort of dead fishy type punch that hurt you more than me."

"No such luck." I shrug, like I'm not overcome by guilt.

"Don't worry about it. It's not so bad."

This time I'm the one to raise my eyebrows. My punches aren't soft, I fight crime with those punches, except normally I'm holding back, making sure I don't kill anyone. Not with Percy though, "What, do you make a habit or getting punched really hard in the face?" It's supposed to be a joke but immediately I know it isn't.

"Something like that." Percy looks away.

Silence descends once again. 

"I've got to go to the bathroom."Percy suddenly announces rather loudly. He stands up painfully even though he tries to hide it and limps to the bathroom. I hear the sound of running water moments later. 

I try to block the thoughts, block the silence. For my entire life people have told me I'm smart, that my brain will take me places. Except currently all my brain seems to be doing is distracting me, making me see outcomes that no one should have to see. All my brain seems capable of is finding the worst, most painful way for me and everyone I love to die. Yesterday I was fine. I was free. My brain had quieted with the presence of my friends, they could calm my restlessness, my fear, everything that made me something that wasn't a hero. They didn't just calm me though, the accepted me even with all my flaws, my pettiness, my stupidity. Maybe the even accepted me because of it.

The toilet flushes and Percy reappears. I'm so distracted that I almost don't notice that he's no longer limping. 

A/N

I'M SO SORRY THIS IS LATE. RADI WAS GOING TO PUBLISH IT BUT IT WAS SAVED ONTO MY LAPTOP, NOT MY ACCOUNT AND I WAS IN NO-WIFI LAND AND WAS POWERLESS TO UPDATE I AM SO SORRY! (please forgive me)