I'm no Poet

I'm so Confused

I am so confused
I have been lying to myself for so long I don't actually know myself
My mind melds and meshes any memory

I have been acting for so long, that I think I've convinced myself I have been okay
But, I don't think I am
Just, maybe it's because I have someone who will listen to me, anything I say

I am opening up to a professional
He analyses anything that comes out of my mouth
It's making me realize how set my mind is
But the things my mind are set on, are not good things

I don't know
I don't think I'm cut out for life
Not yet at least
I still need time
But I don't have time, life is happening now
I need to know what I'm doing, at every point of the day
I need to have my life planned
And I don't

The word, the one word that has been dancing in my mind
It seems more desirable every day
It, it would just be so easy
And part of me knows, people would get over it
But part of me knows it would be an inconvenience
It would make people sad
That's the last thing I want

I just want a way to stop, without people knowing or feeling anything
I just want someone to fix me so I don't feel like this anymore
I won't be able to live like this
I can't function at camp like this
I just wouldn't be able to stand it