I'm no Poet

I Don't Know

I don't know why I am panicing

I actually have what I have been wanting for so long

I say one daring thing and bam

I don't know what to do

What ever he says I feel worse

I can't control these emotions but I thik writing is helping

It's my own self narration momologue

I'm actually calming down

But I have a message from him to open...

Not so bad, but now I feel guilty for him satying up

He's too nice to be cught up in someone like me

I'm trying to breath deep

Bu my head is spinning and I don't know what to do

But I'm feeling better?

But definitely not ready to think about why I just panicked

Lesson learned, don't think too much

Just write and try to breath

Okay I cleaned my face and I'm feeling a little...well nothing

I just can't think too much right now but I sort of don't feel anything

Okay just reserve what youre thinking, don't bring it up tonight

it will ruin everything, so just type it here

I just feel a little useless right now because I can't contribute to the conversation like a normal adult

I am also skeptical about why you like me and I want to ask if it's because youre scared I'm going to hurt myself and that if youre thetr I won't. If it is true youre probably right but then youre just stringing me along until we break up

break up means were dating which means I can't post this for like another month

but how paranoid am I? ;ike why do I think everything Is fake? why can't I believe that he actually likes and cares for me.

now, I guess he does because I gave him multiple times to pull out and away and he didnt

and he was the one to kiss me (on the cheek) three times....

He was the one to slightly cuddle with me, and tell me i'm cute and beautiful and selfless

he didn't have to...but he did

and I really like him for that

maybe not love... not true love. like 3/5 to love

So I need to remember that, it is not love, it is a intense crush

and were in the honeymoon phase right now

let's see how things go

*So this was my thought process for 45 minutes from midnight  9/2/17- 12:45 9/3/17....totally pure, no editing done for authenticity...It's now 10/16/17 at 7;45 and I think everyone on here knows who this is about and knows the situation, but now I think I can publish this, also things are going really well, I still have random panic spells but not too many*