The Truth Of War || An Area 11 Fanfiction

V

- P A R V I S -
"He's waking up. Get out."
   The screeching of wheels could then be heard and then the door slammed shut, almost making me jump if I were able to move.
   I slowly opened my eyes and was greeted by Clarke. I took notice that tear stains lined his cheeks. Was he...
Crying?
Clarke almost never cried. The last time I saw him cry was when Taylor got injured.
"Thank god you're okay Parvis." Clarke sat down beside me and clasped his hand on my wrist. "Don't ever do that again. You had me worried."
"Do what?" I didn't remember what happened after I started cutting, and that freaked me out.
"You... did it again," Clarke sighed, looking out the window, "You were out for four days. You were gonna die and Parvis I was just so fucking scared and Kogan—"
"Clarke, calm down," I laughed, unwrenching my arm from Clarke's grasp and clamping it on his shoulder, "I'm fine now. That's all that matters."
"Yeah right." Clarke huffed. "You self-harmed and now you're in this situation. Oh, and by the way, you're wearing Kogan's sweatshirt."
"What?!" I looked down, and sure enough, Kogan's old sweatshirt from highschool was on me.
But how the hell did it get there..? I didn't remember putting it on in fear that it would get blood on it.
But how was it on now?
"I know what you're thinking, Parvis; I put it on," Clarke spoke, "Thought you might like it."
"H-h-how did you—wait, no Parvis, you don't like Ko—"
"It's okay to admit that you do, Parvis." Clarke shifted in his seat. "It's okay to admit that you like him."
Clarke whispered in really close to my ear as he said the next sentence.
"Like, like-like him."
"Clarke!" I shouted, slapping him away, "I'm not gay!"
"Yeah right," he laughed, throwing his head back, "I see how you look at Kogan whenever you see him in pictures."
"What?" I raised an eyebrow at him.
I thought I'd been hiding it well!
"I know you more than almost anyone else," Clarke continued to laugh, "And I know you like Kogan. Fess up."
"Correction, his name is Kogie," I snarled at him.
"Ooh, told you. Parvis and Kogan sitting in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N—"
"SHUT UP!" I practically tacked Clarke. "Look, Clarke, if you're gonna be saying that then you can get out, okay?"
   "You know you wanna, Parvis." Clarke continued to tease me.
   I lightly slapped him. "Look, Clarke, I hate Kogan, okay?"
   "Then why was this in your pocket when I found you?" He grinned, holding up the picture of Kogan and I from highschool.
"T-t-that was in my p-pocket?" I stuttered, trying to deny it, "I t-thought I b-b-burned that!"
   "Well you thought wrong." Clarke continued to smirk at me. "I bet you didn't even mean to burn it anyways."
   "CLARKE!" I launched at him once again and grabbed the picture out of his hand. "Get the hell out," I growled.
   "Parvis—"
   "I said GET OUT!" I got up off of him and pulled him up, pushing him to the door. I sucessfully got him through and slammed it shut, locking it behind him.
   How could I have been so stupid?
   I kicked the closet open, but to my surprise, the box that my razor was in was open, empty.
   And Clarke took my razor... great.
   I started rummaging around my room for anything sharp that I could use to cut my skin open. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
   God dammit Clarke!
   I almost gave up on my search until I found a glistening piece of metal sitting in the corner of the room. Of course! He forgot to take the pencil sharpener!
   I grinned and got my screwdriver out, twisting the small screw that connected the blade to the plastic until it popped loose, the blade coming out in my hand.
   "I'll be right back," Clarke yelled up the stairs, "I just need to go over to Taylor and Kogan's house for something."
   I smirked again as he shut the door, raising the blade over my scarred skin.
   Then I thought.
   If Kogan still liked me, would he want this? Would he want me cutting almost daily, not all for blood magic?
   Would he do this if he were in my situation?
   "Kogie," I whispered under my breath, placing the blade on my skin, "You've changed so god damn much, but I still love you. In the brotherly way that you admitted to me so long ago."
   I dug the blade even deeper into my skin and slid it to the side, creating a fresh cut, oozing with blood. I smiled at the sight and repeated the action once more, hiding my blade away in the box after that and sliding it on the top shelf, where Clarke would never be able to find it.
   "This was for you, Kogie." I looked down at my bleeding wrist. "This was for you."
   Head spinning, I laied my head on the pillow and thought. I missed Kogan. I missed the way his arm wrapped around me when we cuddled on his couch, I missed the way he would rub my back when I was feeling down, I missed his scent, I missed—
   No, Parvis, you don't miss Kogan. This is just a phase. You'll grow out of it.
   I clutched the picture of Kogie and I that I ripped out of Clarke's hand to my chest. "I fucking miss—no! Parvis! You don't miss Kogan! This is just a fucking phase! You'll grow out of it! You'll stop lov—"
   Only then did I realize what I almost said.
   I almost said the L word.
   L-O-V-E.
   That word.
   That word that I promised never to use in a positive way towards Kogan.
   I was slowly falling in the deep abyss of passion.
   But why?
   Was I suddenly feeling so affectionate towards Kogan?
   Was it really just a phase, or was I really in love with him?
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I wrote like half of this during study hall lol
Sorry if this is shit
Whale,
Adios 👋🏻