|: Cigarettes and Candy :| Carlisle Cullen Fanfiction

Empty Sky

Declan's POV.

It almost seems like my life will always be packed away. Physically and metaphorically.

For the past few years, I've lived out of backpacks, hid my belonging under floorboards, and packed away my things to take them somewhere else. It's exhausting, I never have a place to shed my skin. I'm always the guest, I'm never home.

Now, here I am, packing my things to move again. It's not too much work considering the fact that I was never really unpacked anyway.

A woman who was one of my mothers friends, took me in as soon as it happened. Or, at least, when she thought it happened. I have no doubts that Renee would have taken me in sooner if she knew.

I know she's a bit worried about me leaving with Bella to Forks, but Arizona is not where I want to be. It's too hot, it never rains. I got a fucking sunburn my first day here, and it's so dry.

Bella wants me to go to Forks with her, she wants to "know at least one person" and she "can't be left alone with Charlie". She helped me convince Renee that Forks could be good for me.

"It'll be good for Declan to get out of the city"

"He won't get in trouble in Forks"

"It's quiet and the kids are nice, everyone knows each other there"

They didn't even need me in the room, eventually I left in frustration at their words. I wish I was a bit faster or my hearing was a bit worse.

"Forks might help him get over his issues"

Issues. My throat constricts at the word. My hands shake, I scratch and pick at my skin, and of course my worst habit.

Rubber bands. The snap is satisfying, it stings just enough to distract me, and no one needs to know.

At the thought I snapped the band that was always around my wrist, pulling myself back to reality.

I'm packing my suitcase for Bella and I's flight tomorrow. Most of my belongings have already been mailed to Charlie's, in the same boxes they came to Renee's in. I just had to pack the last of my clothes, half of which are too warm for Arizona. The weather is different in New York, let's say I was not prepared for winter in Arizona.

I zipped the suitcase closed, thankful that everything fit in just one. My backpack and guitar case sat outside the door of the guest room I'm staying in. I haven't been here long enough to think of it as my own.

It's almost saddening, well at least it is to me. Renee, Phil, and Bella all welcomed me here with open arms and I shut them out. By the time I started to feel comfortable the bags are getting packed again and I'm leaving.

Sitting down on the guest room bed, my old bed, I sighed. I cannot get myself worked up right now, I cannot left myself feel guilty for things I can't help.

Another bad habit. Guilt. It's so easy to feel like I make everyone's life harder, because I do. People worry about me, they've cried, and they've stressed.

What do I do?

Push them away and give them reasons to worry.

I keep telling myself it will be better with Charlie. He's always understood me more, he doesn't pry or meddle. He trusts me and I appreciate that.

Standing, I decided a hot shower would help me relax. My shoulders are starting to ache from how tense I am. I won't disturb anyone, they're all used to me showering in the middle of the night.