Even heroes get the blues [Frerard/Phan/Ryden]

Chapter One - Clouds

Third person

The sky was the typical 6 P.M dark, not completely dark but not light, either.
There was a fair amount of clouds floating through the sky, all a dark-but-not-that-dark grey. The trees, though? The trees were not normal.

Gerard Way is a 23 year old homosexual male. He is the Sheriff of Emo Town and his boyfriend is a stripper named Frank, or his stripper name, TriggeredFeminist™

Gerard is strolling casually through the sky, trying to avoid the foggy clouds as best he can. Then he trips over something.

"Ow what the fuck sky I thought we were friends ugh sassy hair flip!!!" He exclaims, not having long enough hair to actually flip, so just saying it instead.

He looks down, expecting Sister Pete or Sister Patrick to be playing a cruel joke on him. What he sees, though, is definitely not what he expects.

"Ello m888 would you loik sum teaaaa?" Says the tree which appears before him, as Gerard had tripped on a root. "Why, yes! That would be marvelous!" The Sheriff of Emo Town practically screams, jumping and clapping his hands with excitement.

"Alroight M8erino would you loik some cum in your tea?" The tree questions, pouring some tea. Gerard looks at him for a moment then decides it's probably not his Frankie's cum, so declines it. The tree looks disappointed and hands him his tea.

"So, Mr.SheriffGuy, what's your name?" The tree asks, assuming Gerard's gender rudely. "Gerard Arthur Way born April 9th 1977 but in this universe I'm like 19 or some shit so I was born in like 1997 or some shit but y'know that's cool fam. What's your name, my good tree-sir?" He replies, smiling and sipping his tea before dumping it out onto some random kid named Bert's ugly ass face like 27178184782828 feet below them and getting a cup of Starbucks out of his backpack where he kept his map that sang an annoying song about being a map and directed him where to go.

"Hello. My name is [Dan]." He states, making a little gesture with his hands. "OMG OMG OMG OMG YOURE THAT GAY BRITISH GUY FROM YT WITH THAT GAY BRITISH GUY BOYFRIEND OMG OMG!!!!!!!" The Emo Sheriff™ gasps.

"Oh no sorry my last name is Howell that's not me," he says, praying to Geesus, who is actually standing right in front of him, that he doesn't recognize his last name.

"God motherfucking damn it fuck you bitch burn in hell suck a cock kill yourself you shit head cunt"

"Woah calm down there" Dan the fucking tree that should be getting fucked in the ass while sucking duck for cocaine and asking if semen is in his hair says.

"Ew no gross" Mr.Way says, sticking his tongue out. "Go suck a dick" Mr.HowellTree says. "I wish" is all he gets in return.

"So, lovely weather we're having today." Dan begins. "Ah, yes, 27 tornadoes, and all in the same neighborhood! Can you believe it? Couldn't wish for better weather, you know? This is the best weather we've had ever since Hitler rose from the dead." Gerard replies, recalling the faint memory of Adolf Hitler rising and making the weather amazing, then dying again.

"Well, I should probably get going. Goodbye, Gerard. My tree phone number is 384-727-6669. Call me sometime" Dan states, disappearing into the clouds.

I'm going to call him later and talk about how Donald Trump should kill Hilary Clinton and then kill himself. Gerard thinks.

If you're confused, this is a crack fic :)