Naked Tracy's Adventures in Madnessland

Naked Tracy Goes to Europe

"Fucking woohoo," Naked Tracy shouted as she slid off the plane into the Munich airport. "Time to get this trip in gear!"

Stacy followed closely behind her, dragging their luggage. "Am I going to regret coming along with you?"

Naked Tracy turned around and looked Stacy right in the eye. "No way bitch, this is going to be a normal vacation."

Stacy smiled at her and kept going. Why she kept saying Naked Tracy was weird was anyone's guess, but Naked Tracy was determined to impress her this time.

"Come on," Naked Tracy yelped, "we have some motherfucking travelling to do!"

On the way to the hotel, Naked Tracy and Stacy stopped by a food spot to get some shit to eat. Neither one of them could speak German, so they just screamed their orders incomprehensibly while beating the man behind the counter with his own anus. He handed them both some white sausages, and they went on their way.

In their hotel room, Stacy froze. "Oh golly, bitch." She was holding her stomach and her face had turned whatever fucking colour people's faces turn when they're sick.

"Fu—eeeuuughguhuuev!" Naked Tracy was cut off mid-sentence by a roaring tide of the fact that she was throwing up right now. At the core of the vomitstream, she saw that white sausage from earlier. That must be why she and Stacy were so sick!

While Stacy started to die on the floor, Naked Tracy cleared her throat. "I meant to say fuck," she clarified, just in case anyone didn't know what had just happened. "But then it was cut off by all the shit coming out of my mouth. Not real shit, you understand, just like, shit in the sense of regular shit happening."

"Stop fucking explaining," Stacy moaned, curled up in agony. "They get it."

Naked Tracy looked over and saw that Stacy was probably going to die this chapter. "Oh holy fuck," she said, "I don't want that to happen. You should take some heroin, Stacy."

"No," Stacy groaned. "I'm scared of needles."

"But you're diabetic," Naked Tracy insisted. "You take that insulation shit with needles."

"No, I lied about that," Stacy monotoned. "I just said it so you'd be proud of me."

"Fuck," Naked Tracy whispered. "You know I don't need that to be proud of you, bitch. Alright, we'll get you a drink of crack and I'll go to the pharmacy."

Stacy threw up again. "Fucking A."

Naked Tracy brewed up a hot mug of crack tea and poured it on Stacy's head, then ran outside.

"I need a motherfucking medicine dude," she shouted into the street. People turned around and tittered at her, and the titters slowly grew into chortles and wails. Well, the wails were because Naked Tracy had found a crocodile and was using it to choke-slam motherfuckers until someone showed her where to get death medicine for Stacy.

To her left, she saw movement. There! That Asian guy didn't look like he was from around here, he was reading off a map. Another tourist had to understand English! Naked Tracy leapt into the air and swooped down on him, digging her fingers into his neck.

"EXCUSE ME," she enunciated, "MY FRIEND IS SICK. DO YOU KNOW ANYWHERE WE CAN GET MEDICINE OR SOME SHIT TO MAKE HER FEEL BETTER? OR MAYBE SOME HOME REMEDY FOR BEING DEAD AS FUCK?"

The man began to shake in fear. "对不起，我—"

"STOP LYING," Naked Tracy said calmly. She was going to say more, but apparently she'd murdered the fucker already. Oh well, she'd have to find it somewhere else.

Naked Tracy looked around, and saw a sign with a heroin needle and a baby on it. She ran up to the sign and jumped through it, landing inside a store.

"I NEED MEDICINE," Naked Tracy screamed.

The manager of the store peed herself and threw a bottle at her. Naked Tracy grabbed the bottle and saw it was formaldehyde, the medicine created by Dr. Hyde in 65 BCE. This was exactly what she needed!

"Thanks lady," Naked Tracy hollered. "Give yourself a nice tip for me!" Then she bounced the fuck out of that joint and ran back over to the hotel with the shit.

"Stacy I have drugs for you!" She shouted, bursting into their hotel room. Stacy was lying on the bed, convulsing and giving out orgasmic shrieks of terror. This was behaviour Stacy only engaged in whenever she was about to die, and Naked Tracy didn't want to let that happen because it wasn't on today's travel schedule.

Naked Tracy took the medicine in her fist and shoved it down Stacy's fucking throat, only letting go of it when she reached the heart. "Fucking wake up," Naked Tracy said.

Stacy howled. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAShit, that tastes terrible. Thanks for saving me anyway, bitch." She sat up and glanced at the clock. "Fuck, that took less time than I thought. We still have another couple hundred words left."

Naked Tracy grimaced. "Oh my fucking shit, we have to figure out a way to pad this."

Stacy shrugged. "Sex scenes usually work, but I'm still too tired from that dying thing."

"Yeah," Naked Tracy agreed, "fucking's off the table. What about a murder mystery episode?"

"We don't have time for that," Stacy muttered. "Good idea for another chapter, though."

Naked Tracy nodded. "I'll put it on the list. Oh, what if we destroy a major landmark?"

Stacy remembered that Naked Tracy was a walking force of destruction, and pulled the bedsheets up over her face. "I told you bitch, I don't want to regret coming here with you."

Naked Tracy knew that Stacy couldn't resist puppy dog eyes, so she pulled a couple out and held them in front of her own eyes. "Pleeeease?"

Stacy frowned. "If you promise to burn those and never bring pieces of animal corpses around me again, you can go do whatever the fuck you want. Just don't involve me in any of that shit."

"Yipee!" Naked Tracy skipped out of the room, stopping by the kitchen on the way out to throw the eyes into the stove. "I'm going to fuck up the Empire State Building! That's half the reason I came to Germany!" She ran downtown and saw a travelling circus camped outside the Empire State Building. It had some monkeys, and they were dancing around.

"Hey monkeys," Naked Tracy shouted, "Let's fuck shit up!"

The monkeys looked over at her and shrieked in unholy horror, turning away from her and running into the Empire State Building. The monkeys tore at the edifice, trying to escape her, and Naked Tracy jumped in to join the fun. "Fuck yes!" she shouted, biting a few windows and probably killing a bunch of the people inside.

"Stacy," Naked Tracy shouted across the city, "I did it! Are you proud of me, bitch?"

Stacy, curled up in bed, smiled.