This Boy - Mclennon

Chapter 18: Yesterday

A/N: im sorry for the inconsistency on POV. it's just the way I plan it - I hope you enjoy this chapter!

~Paul's~

I didn't sleep the night after John's appointment, which scared me. I should have been able to fall asleep without his reassurance or confirmation. But, like I said, I didn't.

I crawled out of bed to get ready for school and the phone rang. I knew it wasn't John so why bother? Mike must have answered, because it stopped ringing.

"Paul! It's for you!" He yelled. My heart nearly dropped into my stomach - perhaps it was John!

I ran down the stairs and snatched the phone from Mike. "Hello?" I tried to sound calm.

"Hey mate it's George. Just wanted to see if you're comin' to school? John called and said he's sick, so he's stayin' home. Told me t'tell ye." George said.

"I'll meet ye' in ten minutes." I mumbled as I hung up the phone. I hadn't been awake long enough to be panicking already, but I was. I tried to convince myself that John just needed time to himself to cope with his diagnosis, but my mind kept trailing back to thinking we were over.

When I met with George, he handed me a smoke. "Looks like ye need it, mate. What's up?" He asked as we began walking toward the school yard. "Nothin'." I lied as I inhaled the cigarette. The burning in my lungs helped repress and distract me from the feeling of panic throughout my body.

"If it's because Johnny didn't come t'school, come off it mate. Yer a big boy, ye don't need 'im holdin' yer bloody hand all day." George said, annoyed. "Nothin' is wrong Geo. I don't need John to hold my hand all day." I said, my voice shaking slightly. I did want him there, I wanted to know he was in the building at least. "Don't be actin' like such a queer then!" George laughed and I shot him a look. "Shit mate I'm sorry, didn't think." He said, hanging his head.

"No biggie mate. Hard not to act like a queer when y'are one" I tried to joke.

I had to try and focus on school. I had to take my mind off of John, as difficult as I knew it would be.

...

I didn't meet with George after my last class. I was proud of myself for staying all day regardless of my situation with John. Each class felt like they were a million years long, but I pushed through and did my work. Instead of going home, I lied to Mike and said I was going to John's.

I went to Strawberry Fields.

As I walked, I payed close attention to my heart beat. The more I thought about it, the more it would quicken. It was still beating, and I was okay. John could be as mad at me as he wanted, he could leave me if he wanted, but my heart would still be beating. It wouldn't be the end of Paul McCartney.

I lied down in the same spot John and I had come to where we held hands for the first time. I stared at the stars in the same soft way he and I had before.

And then I thought of my mother.

I wondered what she was doing, and if she was watching over me. Of course she was, I thought. I believed she would make sure everything was alright, she would take care of me even though she had gone.  The same way I assumed Julia watched over John. Perhaps they brought us together.

I began listening to the wind. It was getting late and the birds weren't chirping. I hadn't really spent that kind of time with myself in a long while. I had almost forgotten what it was like to be alone, something I never imagined forgetting. As much as I hated it at the time, now it felt nice. It was nice to appreciate the silence, appreciate the fact that I could be here on my own. I was such an independent introvert that being brought out of my shell made me forget the positive side of it all.