a different way

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Justin

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Justin

Mommy was on vacation so everyday she would spend the entire day with me watching movies or playing games. She read to me sometimes too. After a few days I started missing Camila, it felt like I hadn't seen her in forever but I didn't want to bother mommy by asking, I knew she would be back soon.

Today I decided to paint something for Camila when she came back. I painted a picture of the sunset that I had seen in a movie. It had a lot of colors and reminded me of her.

My mom took me to the park later that day, it was peaceful and quiet and not to hot or cold. We sat on the grass for a while as she read to me. I looked around and remembered the times Camila brought me here. They were some of the best days I could remember.

We went home and ate dinner right before the sunset. I had a bath and went to bed right after.

Camila

The next two weeks were the worst. I didn't leave my house at all. The simple touch of the wind on my skin caused my tears to come back to my eyes. All the sadness that I've been hiding away for so many years seemed to overpower me, and all for the right reasons.

I had truly fucked up. I had been unfaithful and what's worse, I took advantage of an innocent boy who didn't know any better.

I deserved this misery.

I couldn't help but wonder what it was that Justin would say to his mom after realizing that it had been two weeks since he'd seen me and that he would never see me again.

I pictured him crying and throwing tantrums which made my heart ache even more. What's worse is that I also pictured him not caring, not even noticing that I was gone when his new nurse arrived.

I don't know which hurt me the most.

Maybe this was for the best, who knows.

For these past two weeks, scenarios had been playing out in my head. What if I had broken the engagement up a long time ago and had told Pattie that I fell in love with her son?

What if I would have told Xavier?

What if he had found out?

What if Pattie found out and that's why she replaced me?

What if... What if I wouldn't have saved Justin that day? I wouldn't have meet him and this would have never happened.

But how can I think that? He could have killed himself if I didn't help.

There was a loud bang on the door,  distracting me from my thoughts. I knew who it was because she'd been doing it for the past week.

"Camila, seriously let me in! Talk to me," Lauren yelled through the door.

I got up and opened the door finally letting her in.

"Finally!" She yelled.

I walked back to my spot on the couch.

"What's been going on? You haven't been answering my texts or my calls and I called Xavier. He told me what happened," she explained.

As soon as she saw my face she gasped.

"Oh my God are you okay?" She asked.

"I'm fine," I murmured.

"No you're not, let me make some tea and you can explain everything to me," she said.

She made us two cups of tea and sat down in front of me. I told her everything that happened and managed to break down only three times. She gave me a hug and tried comforting me, but not even she could cheer me up.

"We need to get you a job, I'll get you interviews at some of the elementary schools okay?" She asked rubbing my arm.

I nodded in agreement as I pulled away from the hug, "I don't know what I would do without you."

: :

I sat on the grass under a tree reading a book but as much as I tried to focus on my reading, my mind would always divert to Justin. I couldn't stop thinking about him, day and night. I wondered what he was doing, if he was okay, and sometimes I even drove by his house wanting to pull over and walk inside to see him, but I never summed up the guts to do it.

Justin

I walked over to mommy who was on her computer. I had waited enough and it was time to ask her why Camila wasn't here anymore, I really missed her and wanted to see her.

As I got closer she turned to look at me and she smiled.

"M-mommy?"

"Yes bubs?"

"Wh-where's C-camila?" I asked.

"Umm... Well, Camila is gone honey, she's not your nurse anymore," my mom said.

As soon as I heard that I made a puzzled face. I started shaking my head and involuntarily rocking back and forth. "No! Why?!" I yelled.

"Justin, relax okay?"

"No! I want Camila b-back!" I yelled.

"Honey you need to stop hitting yourself please!" My mom yelled instantly getting up. I backed away at the loud sound of her voice that brought back bad memories.

She grabbed my arms trying to stop me from moving and I felt my tears right about to escape my eyes.

"Pl-please no!" I yelled.

"I'm not going to hurt you baby, I just need you to relax," she calmly explained.

"I-I want to see h-her!" I yelled.

"We'll see her some day baby please don't do that," she said holding my arms back.

"L-let m-me go!" I yelled trying to pull away.

"Justin I don't want to have to-"

"No!" I finally broke free and started backing away from her.

"Then please stop hurting yourself," she said.

I tried controlling all my emotions but I couldn't. My arms kept moving even if I tried. I closed my eyes and started picturing something else. Seomthing like the beach and Camila. The last time I held her in my arms, the times she kissed me. I managed to stop moving, but I couldn't stop sobbing.

My tears fell into my shirt, completely soaking it as I fell to the floor crying. My mom came over to me sitting beside me as she hugged me.

"Wh-why?" I asked.

"Shhh...." my mom said rubbing my back.

I calmed down for a couple of hours. I sat at the dinner table not hungry at all. I closed my eyes and thought of something else, something that wasn't Camila or the fact that my mom  could never treat me like Camila did. She could make me forget my pain with a single hug like Camila could. She had a different way but it never helped.

"Please eat your food Justin," she said.

I opened my eyes and reached for the fork but once I picked it up, I dropped it from how shaky my hand was.

"Allow me," my mom said scooting her chair closer to me. She began feeding me but I didn't want any food. I ate a little so she'd let me go to bed.

I took a quick bath and quickly got out before my mom could walk into the bathroom. I got dressed along and walked into my room, quickly laying on my bed.

What do you guys think the bad memories are?

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