We're Going Home

3

Hey,
They finally let me out.
The bright lights hurt.
Talking is hard.

Neon Brother ~Nothing But Thieves
Lance was ripped from his silence with the flip of a switch. When he looked at the wall he counted 40 tally marks. He didn't know how much time had passed after he'd stopped counting. He was given a towel and a change of clothes. He walked slowly to the bathroom and stripped. The Blue Paladin stared at himself in the mirror. His legs were barely strong enough to hold him up. He didn't recognize who he saw. It was like looking at this broken man through a window.

His eyes held no sparkle, his body, if possible, was skinnier than before. He was all edges. From his cheeks and chin, a beard had begun to bloom.

He turned away from the mirror, like if he stopped looking that wouldn't be him. It would be someone else.

He stepped into the shower and let the water run over him, slowly cleaning him of every bit that was left of who he used to be. He stepped out and dried himself then put on his clothes. As he walked out to give the towel to the nurse who was patiently waiting outside, he saw Keith right by his side. He was wearing paper still.

Lance looked down, being back in the dark would be better than meeting those eyes right now. They were soft and forgiving and he didn't know if he deserved it.

He didn't want Keith to look at him like that. He wanted Keith to be angry. Fuming even. He wanted him to punch him. Get revenge. Scream! Fight! Not smile. He didn't want Keith to look at him Like he was a frail pathetic creature. He wasn't. Or maybe he was? He didn't know who he was.

"What do you want, Mullet?" He said with a glare.

Kieth glared at him, then his gaze softened again. "I'm sorry for what I said." There was a pink irritated scar on his shoulder and neck. And probably other places he couldn't see.

"You're sorry?" His voice cracked. He felt so shitty, down to the very core. He didn't know what he'd taken over him. Some kind of innate animal behavior. He'd torn him apart, and here Keith stood, with a gentle smile, saying he was sorry. Lance didn't know what to say. So he obviously had to say the stupidest thing possible. "That's funny."

"Not really. It's lunch time, and you look like you need a meal. Sit with me?" Keith hated himself. He'd overstepped his bounds so far with a patient he knew had no control over himself. Of course he was sorry. Lance had no reason to apologize. It wasn't him, it was his mind.

So Keith was taking any desperate course of actions to mend what he had done, the words he had said to utterly shatter Lance's sanity. And it all had to start somewhere, usually with 'Sorry'.

Lance nodded silently and followed Keith to the lunch room. His stomach rumbled at the smell of food. Not because it was good, but because he thought he was going to throw up.

His tray was filled and he sat down across the table from Keith. He stared at his food for quite a while. Keith sat there silently, waiting for one of them to break the intolerable silence. He wasn't used to it being quiet when Lance was around. But this didn't seem like Lance. Whoever this person was was very far from being Lance.

Lance slowly dug his plastic spoon into the pile of macaroni on his plate. He stared at it, letting the spoon hover about chest level before finally sticking it into his mouth. His throat went dry. The pasta crept slowly down his throat and into his stomach. He stood and rushed over to the trash can, throwing up until there was nothing left but stomach acid.

A full body shiver ran over him. He had to eat, it wasn't optional, but he couldn't eat something that sat this heavy in his stomach. He stood and asked for a piece of bread then slowly ripped pieces off and ate that.

Keith ate without looking up. Slowly, slowly, he built up the courage to speak again. "Tell me about Voltron."

Lance looked up him, eyes angry and dull. "It's just a stupid kids show. If you want to watch it, feel free. I'm not telling you about it."

Keith's eyes widened and looked down. The treatment had worked. Once he was back to his normal weight, they were probably letting him go back home.

So Keith wanted to help him get there. But he wanted him to be better. Because this was not better. Lance was better off being an obnoxious asshole who still had hope, instead of this shell of a man who was so broken he could barely speak. Since Keith had broken him, it was his job to put him back together.

So just for now, he would believe in Voltron, and he would make Lance believe again, too.

He inhaled deeply and started talking, a strange new light in his eyes. "No, you see I was talking to Matt while you were gone, and I started remembering." This would be the hardest game of make-pretend ever.

Lance stood up. "Funny, Kieth. Stop patronizing me." He walked away to wander the halls aimlessly, he didn't know where he was going, but he didn't want to be around Kieth.

Play Crack in the Sky ~Brand New
After a while, he bumped into Matt. "Hey, buddy! I missed you! You were only back a month before you had one of those episodes again. It was crazy. Kieth had these horrible bite marks. You'd really gone-" he stopped speaking as Lance looked at him with those empty blue eyes. "Lance... what- what did they do to you?"

He shook his head and kept walking, but Matt followed him. "Lance. You don't even want to get free anymore, do you?"

"To where?" He asked. "To a stupid house with a family that just doesn't care anymore? Where do I honestly have to go? Nowhere. I've spent the greater part of my good years in an asylum. I don't want to go anywhere. I just want to be alone. Okay?" He couldn't find the strength in him to yell. He was just too damn tired.

Matt shook his head. "A paladin of Voltron would never give up."

"That's the thing, isn't it though? I am not a paladin of Voltron. I'm just a guy. I am just human and I never flew a blue fucking lion in order to save the galaxy. And you. You never went on a mission to fucking Kerberos. You are just as insane as me, clinging to some hopeless idea that you are more than just this boring guy who lost his fucking mind. I'm tired of trying to have hope anymore. It wasn't real. It was never real." His voice cracked in places as he was overwhelmed with tears.

Keith watched from a distance, heart breaking as each word was said.

Matt just shook his head sadly and walked away.

Lance knew no one was coming to save him. Why couldn't Matt just accept that?

And Keith renewed his oath to Lance, in a different way. Not only was he going to teach him to believe again, he was going to teach him to dance. He was going to teach him to sing at the top of his tired lungs, and he would go to any lengths to retrieve the thing that would put the sparkle back in his eye. Starting now.