The Girl I Wish I Knew

Chapter 19

Kacey's P.O.V.

"Are we really going to stratigize on how to do and obstacle course." I ask sarcasticly. "No, I'm not that stupid. I actually want to talk to you." He says his normal mischeviouse smile missing from his face, in its place is a serious expression that seems very out of place. "What." I ask confused.  "Look this has been eating at me for a while. And I know you said not to ask you about it but it's killing me." He says sighing softly. My heart drops with each word. What is he talking about?  "What are you talking about Max?" I ask scanning my mind for what he could be talking about and all to soon I find it. "I need and answer right now Kacey. Do you trust me?" He asks looking me directly in the eyes. "Max, you know this is hard for me. I love you but, you never told my why you did that. You hurt me, and made me question myself. Tell me Max what do I mean to you?" I asks him holding his gaze. "Your my sister my best-friend. Your the only one that understands me. When I said those things I wasn't thinking straight. If you didn't mean something to me why do you think I am trying so hard to get your forgiveness. Why can't you understand I made a mistake and I know I can never take that back as much as I want to. But why is it so hard so you to look past people's mistakes?" He asks me honestly. "Because people's mistakes are what make them who they are. What they did what mind sets the have been in or are still in. People who continously make the same mistakes maybe they aren't actually mistakes. Look Max this whole trusting people thing is all new to me. You were the first one I trusted and you broke it. No matter how sorry you are you can't magically make it go away. I will be there forever and it will always be a scar in our relationship. But scars can make things stronger. But no matter what scars show what once happened and scars are permente. As much as you try to hide them they are always there to stay. I want to forgive you but I am hard wired to protect myself from getting hurt. It took a lot to trust you the first time. All my instincts are screaming that you hurt me so easily what is stopping you from doing it again. When I see you with Nora, Billy, and Chloe, I see the look in your eye saying you would never hurt them. And all I can think is that I can never be a part of that. I will always be different. Never the same I wasn't destined to be like you. I was destined to balance out the equation. For every kid who has the loving family, for every person who finds the one, and for everyone who gets that happily ever-after. There is someone who has a terrible family, someone who will never find love, someone that will always have a what-if. There is always a villain in the fairy tale, but there has to be. The universe isn't fair but at least it is balanced." I says feeling tears prick my eyes. "Is that what you truly believe. That some people are just destined for sadness. Isn't it what you choose to do with you life. Sure the universe can give you a crappy start but you of all people should know that what doesn't break you makes you stronger. Just because it's harder road doesn't mean you can't find that happily ever after. You always say to not let anyone control you. Stop thinking that fate is deciding you life." He says with a look of determindnation. "Max let me ask you this. In every story there is always someone you root for. Even if you don't root for the conventional hero you still are rooting for someone. And in the end someone loses and someone wins. I'm that person that loses. I have to pay for your winner. Just like in every story you hear. I am constantly going against someone. I am part of their story the person they beat. Even if I do win somehow they grow out the whole experience. I can't compare to them Max. I will never get a happy ever after. Because there isn't enough to go around." I says tears sliding down my face leaving tear tracks. His hard gaze drops softening. He wraps me a hug. He sits on his bed pulling me onto his lap. We sit there in a comfortable silence. I lean against his chest breathing in his smell. The universe isn't fair but I am lucky to have him. That is the last thing I think before slipping into dreamed filled sleep.

A/N: What is Kacey talking about? Find out in the next chapter. It's going to be super long since it's number 20. Hoped you enjoyed please vote and comment.