Rumors of War || The First Avenger

Chapter Thirty-Five: Widowed

Picture is Patrick Stewart as The Priest.

Music is "Moon River" by Frank Sinatra.

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Hey everyone! Just a brief (P.S. After writing this, I realize it's not so brief, so sorry xD) message about the chapter you're about to read. I just wanted to say that this chapter includes a lot of talk about God. I'm not apologizing for it because I do believe in God, but I wanted to tell you all that I'm not preaching at anyone in any way.

Emma is a Catholic, as you might remember from earlier chapters, and she grew up that way. I will explain why she hasn't gone to mass throughout the book in this chapter, but I wanted to make sure that everyone understands that this is her story and how she needs to deal with the loss of Bucky. Unlike my other characters, Emma can't just punch it out. She needs to talk to someone about how and why it happened. Since she has a strong belief in God, going to church seemed like the most logical option to write.

But I am not preaching or trying to convert people in any way. I really hope that no one is offended by the things that are said in this chapter. If you dislike talking about God, you don't have to read this chapter, but it will make the story harder to follow because this is a big turning point for Emma. Besides, there's a pretty cool twist at the end ;)

I really hope we can be civilized about this chapter. I just wanted to put this out there for the record. I'm sure you all are rolling your eyes and wondering why I even had to put this, but I wanted to make sure no one is offended. Who knows, maybe you might even find it interesting.

I love you all! Please, just enjoy the chapter, whether you believe in God or not. I have friends of all faithwalks, and I will not judge you for not having my exact beliefs, either. I have atheist characters, I have Muslim characters, I have Wiccan characters, and I have characters who just don't think about beliefs. Emma is Catholic, so I will write her as such.

Enjoy!

Your friendly neighborhood author,
- Royale Wolf, aka SaveTheBrooklynBoys

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CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE: Widowed

{February 3, 1945 - One Month Later}

No one ever prepared me for this. No one ever told me I found feel like I wanted to die.

The thing they don't tell you about losing someone you love is the weight on your soul. They tell you you'll hurt. They tell you you'll feel sad. They tell you you'll miss them. But anyone who has lost a family member, a friend, or even a idolized hero, you know how heavy your heart can be. The weight that pushes down every time they cross your mind. Sometimes it feels like you can't even breathe. You have both a hole in your chest and an anchor on your heart. It weighs you down, and all you want to do is sleep.

You hurt, yes. You feel sad, absolutely. You miss them, of course. But those are nothing compared to the ten ton weight on your back when their name comes to your mind. Those things are so weak and simple to the emotions that flood your body when you see their file labeled as "Missing In Action," and all you can think is, "Why them? Why now? Just...why?"

The saddest words are not, "It could have been." The saddest words are, "I thought we'd have more time."

And who would have thought that getting to sleep would be harder than getting up. The only place I'll be able to see my husband now is in dreams; I suppose it's  just my luck that I can't seem to get there anymore.