"Okay class dismissed," it was break time again. I hurried down to the balcony expecting to hear her voice. Disappointed, I heard Ms. Park Jihyos. I just walk mindlessly in the corridor. Everywhere, I found the poster of Chaeyoung being a lesbian. It breaks my heart into pieces to think how she feel seeing those.
I walked down the cherry blossom and my heart pounded when I see her wiping her sweat away her forehead while calmly removing all her posters. "Ch-chaeyoung." I breathed.
"Oh. Hi Sana sunbae!" She greets me with her usual self. She smiled at me and proceed back removing her posters.
"I- I'm sorry. For this all. I know it was partially my fault and I'm trying so hard making clean of your name." I said sincerety wrapped up my voice that I never thought I have within me. I never been this honest my entire life.
"I'm fine. Even we tried fighting them, I know we will be cutting swords the water." She said positively.
"But what're you supposed to do now?"
"I told you not to worry about me. Even hell can get comfy once you've settled in," she said and chuckled while I still have no words to say. "I will remove Illegal posters. They should ask for presidents permission before posting these, actually." She said. I don't know why I felt like she's hiding something. I mean, she have all the right making up a scene and dramatically points fingers to those students giving her false accusations but why is she playing hypocrisy and making me feel like everything is okay?
I open my mouth, waiting for the usual witty remark to come out. Nothing. Nothing but the empty feeling of emphatic hurt. "You can prove their lies!" That's all I can say right now even I composed millions of words to say on her. I place a hand over my chest to calm my breathing. Having no plenty of sleep and being stressed, thinking about Chaeyoung's whereabouts was clearly taking a toll on me. I wanted to protect her against the world yet, I don't know how.
"What if it was true?" She asked that I didn't clearly heard.
"Pardon?"
"What if it was all true? That I put letters on your locker, That I stalk you. The desperate proposal, the night I touched you on the party? What If its real that I'm gay and I like you? What if I really do like you? What If i really do love you?" All questions came so deafening although I clearly got everything and understand everything. Inside me is a chaos of emotions. I am very proud of being composed still.
That's actually a great questions. Questions that even myself is dying to know but afraid to find out so I didn't say a thing. She turned back on her work and completely ignore my existence.
"S-so you're gay?" Dumb. Sana can you be more dumber? "I'm sorry it just spilled out my mouth without thinking it." I takes back my words and gets a hold on my lips.
"No I prefer it when people are honest. It’s better than pretending that you care about me." She said like putting up the knife on my chest and twisting it back and forth. "Yes. I'm not being down because it was lies. I'm being down because it was all truth." She bravely said confessing everything.
"I gets happy seeing you around yet you're not seeing it. I was up over night to write a letter of my love for you but you are dumping it. In the other side, I was thankful you're dumping it and not reading it since I sound so loveholic there. So gay. I was happy everytime you're happy and sad in your every downfall. I like you." She narrated making me feel all the guilt of dumping the letters. "Now. I'm giving you chance to curse on me and like what others did, disgust on me." She continued. She take her things and stuff and leave me alone in cherry blossom. You don't know how much you made me so happy with your confession.
