Miss Popular and the Nerd

Prologue

Popular. That is the only word that describes me completely. That is what everybody cares about. Being popular, having the newest clothes and liking the hottest guy. Nobody cares if I am smart, interesting or a nice person to be around. They just want to be me. I am never my true self. Most people would love to be popular. But they don't about the inside view. They think being popular is this amazing thing that makes you happy every day. Reality check. I hate being popular. I actually don't know what they're jealous of. I mean, you do get attention from boys and it does feel good when you're greeted by your name. But on the other hand everybody is nosing through your business and telling lies about you.

People that see me for the first time think I am living the dream. They think I have a loyal boyfriend, loads of friends, the best grades and that I look perfect every day without having to do anything. They are so wrong. First of all the boyfriend thing. I have never kissed a guy. I don't know if I should regret it or not. I am so inexperienced when it comes to love and you know... stuff. So that means I have never done anything with any guy at all. As for my 'friends'. I don't have real friends. My 'friends' just pretend to like me so that if I do something stupid and lose all my popularity they can take my place as the queen bee. But worst thing is that I know about their plans. It is so depressing. I know, they only hang out with me because they want to abuse the chance. I know that they are only there to wait for the right moment. That they are just using me to get to the thing they want. Fame and popularity. My 'friends' are just people I hang out with. It's not even particularly fun with them. I just know that I am alone without them so I just stick with them anyway. About the grades. I do have great grades. The worst grade I ever got was a B-. My friends think it's weird that I have such good grades because I am a blonde. They think I blackmail nerds so they do my homework. Little do they know that I actually do it myself. Then we also have the looking perfect thing. When I was 12 years old I had so many pimples that people called me 'Pimple Pig'. I had acne, was about 1.50 meters 'tall' and had such horrible teeth that I had to wear braces. One year later like a miracle I lost all my pimples, grew 20 cm and finished with my braces. I started caring about how I looked. At 13 I moved from Montana to California. Everybody liked me there. I somehow kept that reputation and built up to be the most popular girl in school. Believe me, I don't know how that happened! Not much has changed since then except the fact that the others have grown more jealous and are impatiently waiting for somebody to dethrone me.

If I could redo one thing in my miserable life it would be the decision to be popular. I would love to live my life as a nobody. Just sauntering through the halls and not be noticed or recognized. Blend into the high school population and not stick out. I wouldn't have to care about looking perfect everyday or buying the newest clothes. I would love that life. I always daydream and fantasize about my 'other' life knowing that it will never come true. But decisions were made to regret them, right? What I hate most about being popular is the feeling of being watched constantly. I am being watched by everybody. They are waiting for me to say something wrong or do something abnormal because they know my reputation and popularity is on the verge of collapsing all the time. When I then finally do something stupid they build lies on the true facts and exaggerate and then are able to boost up on the popularity hierarchy and then eventually be like me. If it weren't for the popularity thing, I would just be this normal girl. Nothing special. Just a nobody. That will always be my dream. Being an unattainable nobody. But things like that never work out. Never.

The worst thing about being Miss Popular is that nobody understands me. Nobody understands under how much pressure I am to be 'perfect'. Nobody understands how exhausting it is to be popular. Nobody understands that I hate my life and the decisions I made. I just hate the fact that everybody thinks that being popular is so easy. You don't get to show your feelings or anything at all. Do you know how hard it is. I know, that one day all it will all burst out. So I got pretty good at concealing my feelings from highschool. I always put that fake smile on, which I detest. As long as everybody sees it, they couldn't care less. And if they don't see it, well they wouldn't notice because they are too focused on their own devilish plans to throw me off that thrown. But I am never going to give in to their devilish plans! I have survived being queen bee for long enough. They will not steal away my throne. It is the last precious thing I have! And I will never give up on it. If I think about all the sacrifices that I have made to just get here, giving up just isn't an option. Nobody will ever understand my decions or why I am the way I am. Well, little did I know that someone in the near future would. 

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