Miss Popular and the Nerd

Ch. 21Rebound girl

Chapter 21

Rebound girl  

Hannah POV  

I go to the bathroom and stick my fingers down my throat. Then I throw up. All the food I had in me is in the toilet. I quickly flush it down otherwise I have to throw up not on purpose. I stand up and wipe the rest of my vomit off my mouth with the back of my hand. I have this love/hate relationship with bulimia. I sometimes have these sudden urges to stuff myself. After that I just feel fat and ugly and worthless. Which is probably all true. But I have to get rid of it before it is too late. So then I go to the bathroom and make myself vomit and feel a lot better. That sour taste after I am finished just makes my day. I don't know why but I feel happy. That is actually the only time feel happy. Ever.   I

I just can't make myself stop. It is addicting. But it is worth it. If I didn't do it, I would probably look like a fat homeless person. Of course being bulimic has its disadvantages too but you have to look at the final result. I few yellow ruined teeth for the perfect body. I have no proböem with that. Sacrifices always have to be made. It doesn't matter what it is. Sitting on the floor next to the toilet can be the most fulfilling time of the day for me. It is the only time I can steal for myself, away from all the drama and my stupid sisters. I can concentrate and just think. I know it sounds stupid but it is what it is.  

I still can't believe Angie slept with Matt! I mean I don't like her or anything but I thought  she was more intelligent. She knows that Vanessa and I slept with him. At least he got what he wanted. That is the only thing I am interested in. Him. He is just flawless. So hot, so sweet, so perfect! I am still bummed that he used me but I am sure that if he really gets to know me he could change. But I won't let a boy ruin my mood. The only person that I can trust is Nessi. She has always been there for me. I really like her and I am so happy that we met. Otherwise I think I would be dead by now. She has always been a loyal friend and is a good listener. Although I am not sure she understands what I am saying. She also follows me around everywhere which can be kind of annoying but therefore she is always there when I need her.  

I have to talk to her anyway. She is the only person that knows about my issues concerning the throwing up thing. I am not sure she gets why I do it but I think she understands. I really don't know what I would do without her. If I had to keep all the drama in then I think it would eat me alive. That's why I am horrible at keeping secrets. They put this weight on my shoulders that I don't know how to cope with. I can only get this weight away by telling someone else. Then this person tells somebody else. That is gossip. I am just scared that if I tell my secrets to anyone else they will tell. So I can only trust Nessi. She hasn't betrayed me so far and she will never. She respects and love me too much to do something like that. Very soon I will have to tell her about my bulimia problems. I know she will be mad at me but I am doing it for myself. Doing this makes me happy. If she doesn't want me to be happy then she doesn't deserve to be my friend. It's as easy as that. But I know she wants me to be happy so I don't have to worry about anything. Thank god!  

I text Nessi.  

Me: Hey  

Nessi: Hi  

Me: I have to talk to you!  

Nessi: I have to talk to you too.  

Me: What about?  

Nessi: Tell you then.  

Me: When should we meet?  

Nessi: Today, it's important

Me: Where?  

Nessi: What about the park?  

Me: Great! See you tomorrow.  

Nessi: Yup.  xoxo  

Me: :-*  

Well that settles that. Can't wait for us meeting each other. Five more days to go! But we'll see each other in school anyways. Otherwise I probably wouldn't survive. If I had to hang out with Angie all the time, I would probably be dead by now! I kind of have mixed feelings. I want to meet Nessi but I don't really want to tell her. I'll see how it goes.

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