Hetalia: Crackish Oneshots

FranceXBaguette

He had finally done it after centuries of makeing various breads; the personification of France. Francis Bonnefoy, had made the perfect baguette a true God of its kind. It's grooves and girth alone would send any mortal to there knees praiseing its glory. The loaf was far to great to be tained by any mear mortal, it had to be claimed by the large careing hands of it creator only.

France waited until the night fell in fear that other nations would take wind to his plan takeing the glorious baguette for there own uses. While the moon spilled into the dark night sky, France also showed the true bread of the gods his full moon and so much more. After hour's filled with passionate thrusts and somewhat concerning moans he made the baguette his and the bread was happy, or so France thought.

The hard loaf had other motives in its wheat filled mind, the glorious loaf purposely lied about takeing birth control getting pregnant with France's spawnling. Creating a hybrid of hairy bread nation a wonder which any Subway employee would be horrified at. But the baugette was not satisfied just yet, the dastardly bread ripped the nations heart out, ordering a immediate divorce and takeing there child with them. Racking up a large amount of child support in the process along with takeing the juicer with them back to vallhalla with there hairy wheat filled child.

Heart broken France reverted into his alter ego, his 2p Francois spending the rest of his life as a sad old alcoholic. His life ending before the mighty nation of Sealand took over his land claiming it as his own after the great cod piece wars ended while naked atop his battle goat, Soul patch. But the future was not much brighter for the holy baugette, once Oden heard of there evil deeds upon humanity he banished the baguette from Vallhalla sending it to his all powerful duck pond were ducks purged the evil from this and all other worlds.

There child however remained in Valhalla, earning a good life as the tear collector of the God's untill old age. Oden smiled upon his work for collecting the tears he shed from the gayness of the Nordic nations rebirthing him into a body of a mighty snow cat for the goddess Freya to tote around her all powerful carriage toted by similar cats. The two loved each other very much and soon were wed bearing a bae, a cat eared horse who became the official hand washer for Oden who loved all of his creations.