Hetalia: Crackish Oneshots

One does not simply give away a swade couch

Sequel to Kinky Crochet
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Germany and Japan didn't discuss what had happened between the two. Labeling it as a beautiful one night stand since they had other booty in mind for the taking.  Japan wasn't fond of Germans blinding white ass, he would leave it for Italy to tend to. Months passed and it soon turned into a year Japan somewhat reminiscing what had happened. Questioning his impulse reactions to do something like that with one of his friends that he would give a 6 out of 10.

"Helloo? Babe has all these years of hentai finally crashed your brain?" His American boyfriend questioned snapping his fingers in front of his face causing the asian man to jump a little. Who in turn just turned his head towards him.

"Sorry? China's voice makes me zone out on impulse contror."

China gasped getting up from the near empty table of nations who left for lunch pointing at his younger brother. "I remember that for Christmas present!"

Japan just rolled his eyes at the man turning his attention back to his lover who was trying not to laugh.

"Finish this last pice of pizza with me. I can't eat it alone and I don't want to share with anyone in here." The American wined holding out a pice of cheese and chicken pizza.

"I can't. I ate half of that pizza."

America continued to give his lover puppy eyes trying to shove the food into his mouth as he gives him the glare. The loud screech of shoes boomed through the halls followed by foot steps and Germany shouting something.

Italy soon came in the doors view looking very angry. Germany following behind him putting a hand on his shoulder as the Italian swats it away whispering something to him. China and Romania peaking there heads into the door frame watching with America and Japan.

"Poor dude is screwed." America whispered as Italy walked in the door looking agitated eyes locked on Japan.

"Japan can I please ask you a question outside?" Italy asked trying not to sound rude but failing.

Not wanting his lover to get involved in the couple drama, setting aside his pizza. "Sorry Dude! Now isn't a good time we were gonna-um babe whats that thing called?

"Hai, the uh-da-China were is that thing-per-place you and HongKong went to?" Japan sputtered all eyes on him.

"We went to very expensive Swis massaging place and listened to K-Pop." China proudly stated. Opening up his brief case.

"I have 20% off coupon they gave us! I think it in here or HongKongs wallet..."

Before the American could even respond with another fake excuse the Italian glared in Japan's direction crossing his arms borderline yelling. "I know what you did!"

Japan arched an eyebrow confused what Italy was talking about. "Are you tarking about the purple couch I gave you? I tord you it had stains on it before I shipped it."

Sweat started to form on America's nape worried that Italy had finally figured out the sinful act he had done in the long past. Japan's response had just made the Italian more flustered his mouth opened ready to fire back as Germany stood a good distance behind him not wanting to make him more angered.

America stood up from his spot interrupting Italy rant wailing. "It was me! I'm the one who drank all of your Starbucks when you when to take a piss and I just blamed Canada because he's already better than me in every way!"

Japan placed a hand on his theigh getting the others attention. "Alfie your ahoge is better than his. It's probabry impossible to deep throat it."

Italy just shook his head yelling. "I don't give a fuck about that! Japan slept with Germany on the couch he gave me!"

"How scandalous!" China snidely commented. Romania just shrugged his shoulders drinking his capreesun. While his lover just looked at Japan then to Germany trying to think.

Japan gave his brother a glare then looking over at Germany who was still behind the angered Italian not trying to get involved. "If it makes you feel better he wasn't even that good."

"Vat is that suppose to mean?!" The German shot back slightly red in the face while China snickered.

"Exactly what I said." The Japanese man snapped back. Romania coughing on his diabetes induced juice by the come back.

"Wait time out. I gotta know how did you two fit in that couch? Like babe me and you barely cuddle on that couch without falling into the floor."

"When there is a wirr there is a way." Japan proudly stated, his lover looking him dead in the eyes responding back.

"Does this mean we can have sex in an Ikea bathroom?"

"What-no. That is like any of the scandanivan nations coming into our house and having sex on the table. It's over stepping your boundaries." The Asain man justified, America somewhat disappointed.

Romania loudly snickered finishing off his capreesun, crumpling it up setting it on the table. "Children so simple minded. I will tell you a tale of the time two nations had sex in Ikea and never came back! It was a-"

"Nobody give a shit about your story or you Romania! Japan tell me why you even gave me that couch if you and Germany had sex on it?!?" The Itanian interrupted, putting his left hand on his temple rubbing it.

Romania gasped followed by China. America looking at Italy in utter shock that he disrupted one of Romania amazing tales he tells. Germany looked at his lover in surprised​ not use to hearing him raise his voice that often or become a bitch.

Japan kept his cool demeanor giving Italy a confused face. "Do you think hes the only country that I've fucked on that couch?Better question, why  you complaining? You got a purple swade couch for free."

"Japan why you get rid of swade couch? It so soft!" China questioned ignoring the growing tension in due to his brothers comment.

"Because it doesn't match my new living room. And someone said they needed​ a couch for there basement." Japan huffed crossing his arms, America trying to act some what of a big man commenting.

"I don't even feel bad now about spilling BBQ nachos on the old couch."

A puff of irritation emerged of the Italian throwing his hands up in the air speaking through gritted teeth. "How many people have you slept with on that couch?"

Romania gasped pointing at the Italian scolding. "Italy you cant just ask people how many countries they had sex with on there old couch!"

"Ayiah, so disrespectful." China chimed in crossing his arms in disapproval.

"Who said they were arr nations?" Japan snide-fully remarked. 

America softly petting the top of his head cooing "Shush, babe everything is going to be fine."

And with Americas comment Italy turned his heel leaving the building, Germany trailing behind him trying to calm him down. Prussia almost colliding with him returning into the room with Canada. The albino shutting down the hall at his brother. "Vatch were jour going West! You could have trampled me with jour meaty feet!" pausing for a moment standing in the door frame scoffing at the other nations. "Women am I right?"

Canada rolling his eyes walking past the albino grabbing his hand ushering him to his seat beside his. On that day while storming out of the world meeting Italy learned something. Something that would change him forever, he learned that Japan is kind of a fuck boi and never leave his man alone with him. Even though the Asian nation to this day has reoccurring nightmares of how white Germany's ass is. Always encouraging his American lover to go in his tanning bed stark ass naked, so he may give love to off white buns.

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Hello darlings! So uh, you probably saw that I changed the name of this book. I think that is the correct title it needs considering these are one-shots at this point.  

That is all.