Shane was sat on the plain white window sill, staring out into the colourful garden. He liked windows. They made him think. And maybe that was due to the fact he always tried to find a deeper meaning in the simplest of things. For instance; a window could be used to look into the past and into the future. Well that's what they made Shane think of whenever he saw one.
He couldn't help his mind from going back into his past and remembering all the things he did as a child and all the thoughts he had. And today he just happened to be reminded of Ryland, which wasn't unfamiliar.
He couldn't remember the very first time they met because they were far too young, but he could remember the time when they were four and they were outside in his garden playing. He couldn't remember exactly what they were playing as it was more than twenty years ago, but he could remember the feeling of happiness that ran through his body as he played with Ryland. He could still hear their giggles and screams as they ran around doing whatever four year olds did to entertain themselves.
He remembered the time when they were six and they had their very first Christmas together. Ryland's family had gone to Shane's house for Christmas that year, which was what started the families' tradition of going to each other's houses for Christmas time. He remembered how excited he was when he first found out his best friend was going to be over for Christmas morning. They opened their presents together, made Christmas cookies (and ate way too many of them), and even slept in the same bed as each other because they were just too excited to be more than a meter apart from each other.
He could never forget the first time they kissed when they were ten. They had just watched a scene from a movie where the two love interests kissed for the first time. Neither of the two boys had ever kissed someone before so they were interested in knowing what it was like. And what better way to find that out than by kissing each other. So they did. And they enjoyed it more than they thought they would, so they did it again. And again. They didn't think anything of it. They were just two best friends kissing. Nothing special. Nothing new.
And the time when they were twelve and all their friends were starting to get boyfriends and girlfriends. But they didn't want that yet. They were fine being single. Well that's what they told everyone at school. But behind closed doors, all they spoke about was relationships. And that's when they decided that when they were older, if they still hadn't found someone to love, they'd date each other. And they didn't think twice about it. Their love for each other was so pure and innocent, even at that age. All they wanted to do was make the other one happy.
When he turned fifteen he had officially come to terms with his feelings for Ryland. It had taken him a while to make sense of it all, but when he finally had, he felt free. Everything seemed to click in his head. All the innocent kisses they shared had suddenly taken a different meaning in his head. All the late night cuddles sessions. The talks of the future for them. It all made sense. They weren't just being 'over friendly' they were showing their love for each other in ways they didn't understand at the time. He had always loved Ryland more than he should have, and there was nothing wrong with that, it just made this section of his life a little more complicated. But he got it sorted and it all worked out for the best, thankfully.
And then he started to look in to the future. He wondered what the future held for them. He hoped it included a wedding and a child. But if it didn't that would be okay. As long as they were still together, he didn't mind what happened.
He hoped they'd be together to death took one of them. He always hoped it would be Ryland to go first. Not because he wants to live without him, but because he didn't want Ryland to experience the pain of living without him. He didn't want to hurt him in that way. He never wanted to cause Ryland pain. So if it meant Ryland had to go first to stop that from happening, then so be it. But he tried not to think about that too much.
He liked to think of all the stuff before that, like all the days he'd be able to show off his love for his boy. How he'd be able to wake up every day for the rest of his life in the arms of the one that he loves. And if they did have kids, how he'd be able to watch them grow up and become their own person. He was excited to grow old with Ryland. He wouldn't want to grow old with anyone else. It wouldn't feel right any other way.
He would sit for hours thinking of all different possibilities of their future together. Some were nicer than others, but all were possible. Though he hoped what was in store for them was nicer than some of the things he had thought of, but only time could tell.
