shinee imagines

jinki | wherever you are

   Dating an idol definitely isn't easy; everyone knows it. Between the layer of secrecy you had to bury yourself under, and his hectic schedule, it had somehow got too much. You loved Jinki, you really did but sometimes it felt like you were insignificant in his life. (To which, he would hardily disagree.) He was your best friend and always made you feel at ease. And sure, he was arguably the least active member of SHINee, always making jokes of "going fishing," but even he did a lot. Despite your reasonable level of confidence, you felt like the dregs of his life. A burden.
   So you cut things off. You told him you were leaving. He still remembers everything, to the color of your shirt, the smell of your shampoo. Your time is Korea had come to an end; you had to go back home. Not because of school, or anything of the sort, but because you could never permanently settle there. You missed your family. Jinki had been the main reason you had stayed for as long as you did, but even good things come to an end.
   It was a sunny morning, the weather way too good for the heartbreak Jinki felt. You stood warm beside him, but he felt cold. "I'm sorry," you had told him, but he failed to find a reply. Because it's not okay; it would never be okay.
   "I know we have to say goodbye. But I don't want to." He told you honestly. You knew. You knew you were hurting him, but in the end, you knew this would be good for him. He had girls lining up to be with him, and you were just a lucky star amongst them all. What he saw in you, to this day, you will never know.
   Jinki remembers when you stepped up on the plane, the taste of your last kiss still lingering on his lips. He never saw you cry that day, but as soon as the plane door closed, you crumbled in the airplane seat as you cried. Jinki, himself, could barely hold it together. His heart was torn in two.
   And now here is, six months later with the stupid new iPhone 7 in his hand. All his contacts transferred over, but he wondered if he should delete yours. His thumb hovered over the screen, but he hesitated. What if you texted him? And he asked who you were? Ha, he thought to himself, fool. You have her number memorized. Then he thought, why not call you? International calling was expensive but that didn't matter. He had things he wanted to say to you. He wanted to tell you that you will always be the one he wants, and that he's struggling with out. He could meet a million girls and fly a thousand oceans, but nothing will ever compare to you. And so, he walks alone. He wished he had never left you alone so many nights; he wished he could have held you a little tighter. And he wonders, have you moved on?
   Wherever you are, had you settled in another man's arms? Truthfully, he didn't even want to know. He wished he could stop thinking about you. He knew he should leave your contact be, to let it sit unused but he missed you so much. Jinki knows nothing will last forever, and nothing stays the same, but his feelings are an exception. His heart knows what he wants and where he wants to be... and that's wherever you are.