Purple Heart | Demi Lovato

7

Demi

The front door opened and I looked up from the couch to see Wilmer there, his head hanging low and his shoulders slumped. I watched quietly as he hung up his jacket and leaned against the wall, sighing heavily. He reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose, and the next moment shocked me as he slid down to the floor, and began to cry hard.

Wilmer doesn't cry.

I hadn't seen him cry since our wedding day.

I stood up, and walked over, kneeling down on the ground and putting my hand on the back of his neck. "Wilmer?"

"I'm fine." He rasped, shaking his head. "I just need a minute."

"What happened?" I breathed, sitting next to him.

"I don't want to talk." He let his head lean back against the wall. "I just talked for the past hour and a half. I don't need anymore talking." I gripped his hand and stared into his face until Wilmer met gaze. "I can't talk to you." He murmured.

"Why?" I felt my anger rising. "Why not?"

"Please don't be angry with me." His voice was low and pleading. "I don't want you to be angry with me but I can't talk to you. Right now I'm just trying to work through things."

"Will you ever be able to tell me?"

"I don't know." He bit his lip. "I hope so. I really do hope so. It would be so much easier if you knew everything."

I sighed and leaned against the wall next to him. "How was it today?"

"I mean, it was okay I guess... She's just wants to know about my feelings."

I brought my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on my arms. "And what are those feelings?"

"Regret." He looked over at me and I saw his eyes on my bruised cheek. "Guilt. Shame. Amongst... other things."

"Other things that you can't tell me."

He looked away. "It would be too painful to."

"I don't understand."

"You're not supposed to understand. I don't even understand. I'll tell you though, when I feel ready." Wilmer met my eyes. "I promise."

"That's all I can ask."

"She did give me homework."

I raised an eyebrow. "And what is that?"

"It's only if you feel comfortable with it." He swallowed hard. "But... She wants us to work on intimacy- not sex, just intimacy. She doesn't think sex is a good idea right now."

"So how do we do that?"

He smiled, almost to himself, and looked down. "She wants us to lay in bed at night and talk and cuddle until you fall asleep. Then I'll go sleep in the other room. In the morning, I'll come back so you don't have to wake up alone."

I bit my lip and sighed. "And she thinks this will help?"

"Yes. She also wants us to do things together, not necessarily things that are quiet and intimate but just to have fun with each other, to remind us of how things used to be. But if you don't feel comfortable enough around me yet it's completely okay. We don't have to."

"No it's okay. We can do that."

"Okay." He gave me a small smile and I shifted to lean my head on his shoulder.

"We're gonna get through this, Will."

He pressed his lips to my hair. "I know we will."

~*~

Wilmer and I cooked dinner that night, and it did feel like it was almost back to normal. As he skillfully sautéed vegetables in a pan, I sat up on the counter and watched.

"Try this." Wilmer murmured, and held up a piece of broccoli for me to take. Instead of using my fingers I leaned down, and took it with my mouth, using my tongue to lick the rest of the sauce away.

"It's good." I murmured, smiling a biting my lip as Wilmer stared at me with a strange expression. He blinked a few times and cleared his throat, going back to the stove.

"I'm glad you like it."

"What?"

"Nothing." He shook his head, flipping the vegetables in the pan a few more times.

"Wilmer." He looked at me and I raised my eyebrows. "We're supposed to communicate."

"There are just urges." Wilmer sighed. "I've numbed myself to them and now they're all kind of just coming alive."

"Urges?"

He smiled, almost to himself. "Just don't lick things off my fingers again."

I hopped down from the counter and grabbed his hip, turning him around and putting my hand on the back of his neck. I pulled him down so our lips could meet and pressed my body against his, feeling his entire body freeze. Wilmer's hands spread across my back and moved south until he held two handfuls of my butt. A low groan sounded from his throat and I felt my body heat up. I deepened the kiss, but he pulled away after just a few moments.

"I don't think we should... not yet."

"Why?" I rasped, running my hand through his hair. "I want you."

He closed his eyes for a second and swallowed hard. "I just don't think it's a good idea right now. I think we should wait until things slow down... Or at least until I'm more than one therapy session in."

I sighed, leaning my head forward to touch his chest. "Fine."

His lips pressed against my forehead gently. "Don't be angry."

"I'm not angry." I pulled away and smiled, softly kissing his lips. "I'm just... horny."

Wilmer chuckled and pulled me into a hug. "Believe me, you don't understand how hard saying no to you is."

I kissed his chest then groaned as I pulled away. "You have no idea how hard it is to hear you say no."

"Demi." He murmured, as I continued to kiss him, up his neck to his jawline. "Demi-"

"We're not going to have sex." I breathed, keeping my lips touching his skin as I spoke. "Just kiss me."

Wilmer looked down at me and nodded, pushing lips mouth against mine. I wasn't prepared for his passion, and Wilmer deepened the kiss right away, sliding his tongue into my mouth and tracing the contour of my lower lip. His hands gripped my waist and he lifted me up onto the counter, I wrapped my arms around his neck and couldn't help but smile as we kissed slowly, loving the feeling of his lips on mine again.

"Sleep with me tonight." I murmured, keeping our faces close. "Don't make me sleep alone."

"Demi-"

I didn't let him answer, kissing him again for a few moments before I pulled away.

"Please?"

"I can't." When I pulled away Wilmer cupped my cheek in his palm. "Demi, I love you. I want to, you have no idea how bad I want things to go back to normal, but I can't. I can't put you in danger. I could wake up and strangle you. I'm trained to kill, and you don't understand that. I will hold you until you fall asleep, and you will wake up with me right beside you, but I can't stay."

I pressed my lips together and sighed before nodding my head. "Okay."

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