Who am I?

Part 5

As soon as I entered the room and Maria saw me shock took over her entire face. 

"Oh my god! Tessa, what in the world happened to you." She came rushing towards me."Remember when I said that it was only lunchtime?" 

"Yes, I do." She looked at me like she was on to something and her voices laced with utter confusion.

"Well, it turned out I was right." Her face lit up because she now fully understood what I meant. 

"Oh no honey, they totally destroyed your sweater." I laughed a bit which made her look at me strangely.

"Really Maria that's litterly the least of my problems right now." I sighed 

"What's the matter?"

 "The sweater is really not the problem I actually have an idea for that. The problem is that it's the first day of school and they're already pulling pranks on me and I'm afraid that it will never stop. I honestly am so sick of being weak when I'm quite the opposite."

"Then why do you continue being weak?" When I looked at her eyes were full of understanding and not pity. 

"To protect." I answer her. I know it's a simple answer but it says enough.

"You can't keep protecting them and discarding yourself, that's not healthy."

"They're my responsibility and it's all my fault anyway. I can't let anything happen to them. I don't care what I have to do, we are never going back there." 

"I know but you can't keep doing this to yourself."

"I know, but I don't have another option. I rather suffer myself than to see them suffer, because then we all suffer. I can't be happy when I know they are not and if hiding myself is the only way to reassure their happiness than I don't care what it does to me. They are all I have left and they mean the world to me. I will do everything to keep them happy, safe and sane. They will not go through the same as me, I won't let that happen."

"Have you ever asked what they want?" 

"What do you mean by that? Because I know you don't mean the normal wanting." 

"No, I don't, what I mean is have you ever asked them if they want you to do all this for them?" 

"No, I haven't asked them if they want me to do this." 

"Why not?" 

"They could never understand why I do this. They could never understand why I do anything. They don't know what really happened there, they don't know the complete story, no-one does and they never will know the horrors that actually occurred there in that dreaded, hateful place." 

"Why don't you tell them."

"They have good memories about that place and the people. I can't destroy those memories by telling what I had to go through. They were given a rather good life and I can't bring myself to ruin that. It would be like stripping away their youth." 

"I understand, really I do. But you can't keep doing this, it will destroy you and what would they have left or do then?" Ok somewhere she's right and I know it. I can't keep doing this but it isn't forever, that was never the plan in the first place. I would just do this until college. "I just need to get through high school and then I'm free of this fake shit."

"Tessa, language please." 

"Oh come on! Now you're going to complain seriously!" 

"Yes, now I'm going to complain." 

"Not like I care really." I smiled smugly at her.

"Whatever, go shower you smell of paint."

"Yes ma'am." I saluted her. While I was in the shower, yes we do have a shower here, I heard Maria ask me what I'm going to do with my sweater since there is only half an hour go lunch left.