If Only She Knew

Shanti - 9

"Hey baby, whats up?"

"You know what's up, let's go," he said sternly, slamming the door.

"What do you mean? Where are we going? I really don't know," I asked puzzled , thinking we were going back to my spot to chill.

"You still got the money I gave you?"

"Yea, I still have it. Why? What's up?"

"Why? I asked you to go ahead and handle that!"

"Damn, you didn't even think about it! You didn't even ask me how I felt about it and what I wanted to do!"

"I don't give a fuck how you feel about it! I'm fucking married you know what's up! You knew the game before you got involved! Don't try no shit with me Shant I'm not fucking playing!"

"That's fucked up," I said quietly.

"Let it be what it is," he said sharply.

"Where the fuck we going?"

"Abortion clinic, off Melrose."

"Abortion clinic, really? So you gone make me get one?" I asked surpisingly.

"I'm dead ass serious."

"What kind of nigga are you! You get a bitch pregnant and force her to go to the abortion clinic? That's some hoe ass shit!"

"No that's some hoe ass shit you on! I got a whole fucking wife and you still wanna walk around here looking stupid carrying my child ! Why the fuck would I want a child with you Shant? Please give me one good  reason as to why I would want a child with yo hoe ass!"

"Hoe ass?! You wasn't screaming that shit when you was fucking me, now were you?! Or when you were telling me how much you fucking loved me and how you wanted to be with me!"

"A nigga will say and do anything for the cat, so don't flatter yourself."

I had no further words to say. That shit hurt so deep, it sent chills down my spine. I could feel the tears fill my eyes. I tried my hardest to keep that shit in, but I couldn't. I open my mouth and the hurt of my heart emptied into the car as I cried out.  I knew he would probably never leave his wife, to be honest I never cared about none of that. I loved what we had, what we shared, even if it wasn't the real thing. This shit hurt. My heart felt one way but my mind constantly asked, "Why would you think this wouldv'e been any different than what it is?" I didn't have the answer for that. Maybe I thought that having his first child would've made a difference. Or maybe I just tried my best to convince myself that I didn't care that he was married. Maybe I did care. Maybe deep down I thought that me having his baby would put us in a better space. I was wrong tho, terribly wrong.

"What the fuck you crying for," he asked bringing me back to reality and out of my thoughts.

"Just leave me alone." I replied quietly.

"After today baby, you got that. Believe me."

Ohhhhh okay I get it. Get me pregnant, make me get an abortion, and don't fuck with me no more huh? Fuck it. I'm glad I did what I did. Fuck this nigga, stupid of me to ever think otherwise. My phone vibrated it was my neice.

"Hello," I said.

"Hey Tee, I was just wondering did you ever get my crib."

"No baby, I completely forgot I'm sorry."

"Okay good, I'm looking at one now that I'm just dying to have. I'd rather have this one," she begged.

"Where are you?"