you saved the world from me [septiplier]

ii. where i was

The robb'd that smiles, steals something from the thief; He robs himself that spends a bootless grief.

-William Shakespeare, Othello

⧔⋯⧕

Jack was running, heart pumping, breath shallow. He was running from the police, who were chasing him because of a minor crime. Honestly, stealing 500,000 Euros wasn't that big of a deal. Okay, maybe it was, but he had to earn his money somehow! Jaysus, the police was really annoying, and they definitely knew the alleyways they were running through better than he did. Way better. Fuck.

Oh well, he'd just have to teleport to the Eiffel Tower, no biggie. Oh, oh, he should act like they caught him, and then teleport away. Yes, that'd be fun.

They'd cornered him faster than he'd expected. The shitholes.

"Ya know, ye'r very rude, ending my fun like that. I don't like rude people." Jack said, with a pout on his face.

"We don't care. You're under arrest, Antisepticeye." Jack held out his wrists, 'admitting defeat'.

They were moving towards him with a victorious glint in their eyes, sure to turn into confusion when Jack teleported away. It was honestly a shame that he never got to see it. Jack disappeared (and then reappeared) on the Eiffel Tower, lots of people pointing at him in shock, cursing in French.

Damn, there was no reason to call him a shithead.

"Jesus Christ it's Antisepticeye!"

"Mummy, mummy, take a picture!"

"I am so posting this on my Insta."

Were some of the things he heard. Huh, seemed like he had some fans.

"-Ruining my bloody vacation!"

Or not.

Of course, the sirens became audible, warning him that the police was coming. Ah well, it would take them a while to get up there.

He looked out at the area, standing on the railing, wondering why he'd never gone to Paris before. It was a beautiful area, maybe he should move there someday...

Neh.

The peace was soon disturbed by the police, who were pushing people out of the way, determined to catch the famous criminal. Jack turned around, facing the wr0ng side of several guns. Jaysus, he had been joking before, but the French really were rude. He absolutely had to voice his concerns.

"Stop pointin' yer guns at me! Haven't ya ever heard of hospitality?" He was met with silence. "Obviously not, then. I really don't regret stealin' from ya!"

"You've got nowhere to go, Antisepticeye, so stop fooling around and surrender, or we shoot!"

Jack smirked.

"Oh, blast, I have but nowhere to go! I could surrender, and spend my life in prison, or I could try to escape, and then die a painful death! Either way I'll suffer too much! 'Tis the end for me, no matter what I do! I cannot live like this!" He was standing on the very edge of the railing now, sure to fall with the slightest gust of wind. "Goodbye, cruel world!" And he fell.

⧔⋯⧕

Ever since he had realised he could teleport mid-fall, he had utilised it. It made for dramatic getaways and less visits to the hospital, having been pushed off of high places more often than he liked.

He had teleported to the middle of his hallway, not stumbling like he used to, having done this quite often. He felt his clothes change, pushing away the burning flames from his hands, right to his heart.

You see, his powers were quite...weird. He hadn't used the green flames often at first, but once he had actually started to use them more frequently, he could feel them. In his hands, in his chest, surrounding his heart. With that feeling he'd learnt to control them, and he only used them when absolutely necessary, like when he was running for the police, or needed to cook something on the barbeque. Both were equally important.

His other powers consisted out of teleportation, omnilingualism, and the ability to change his outfit to his disguise for when he had to steal something on the spot.

He had noticed the omnilingualism when he'd started learning French, and then realising that, what the fuck, he could already speak it. The same thing with German, Spanish, Chinese and Latin (the last two were clubs, and not mandatory, but he'd wanted to try it out anyway).

Jack walked into the kitchen, following his normal post-theft routine. Also known as making coffee, checking the news on TV, and browsing the internet for news about his crime.

Breaking news: Antisepticeye has struck again! This time in the city of Paris blah blah blah blah blah and other unimportant stuff that he already knew.

He didn't know why he bothered with the news, it was always the same stuff.

The fan-blogs on Tumblr were being nice again, the hate-blogs were being honest yet cruel. Jack wondered why they hadn't dubbed themselves the 'Anti-Antis', that would be hilarious as fuck.

Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, textpost, picture, picture, textpost, picture, fanart, textpost, gay fanart with another man, textpost, more gay fanart, textpo-

Wait.

More gay fanart with another man? One time, sure, probably an original character, but twice? Jack scrolled back up to the fanarts, checking the tags.

Markiplier.

Who the Hell was Markiplier?

Upon googling him, Jack stumbled upon news articles about the American superhero, all of them by the American press. No big companies, though, and that surprised him. Superheroes weren't a common thing, in fact, he'd thought that he was the only person with powers until that moment. Why the Hell wasn't this mainstream?

He did some more research, and discovered that the man had only appeared once, a few months ago, in a small, irrelevant town. That could possibly be an explanation for this all.

Though, it did make him question why people on Tumblr thought that they were romantically involved...

You know what, questioning Tumblr wasn't a good idea.

He scrolled for another while, before deciding that he was bored and that he was going to do something more fun, because he didn't live the criminal life he did for boredom to be a thing, God damn it!

He should put that on a shirt. Or at least add it to his list of things to put on a shirt. It was a long list.

After the many hours of gaming he ordered a pizza, and then proceeded to make plans for his next burglary. He had made a whole plan on when he would go where, so he already knew that he was going to America. He then did some research on the bank, the police, and the general area. He had already been there, of course, he'd already been to all of the predetermined places, so honestly it was just a refresher. He then established that he'd wait another week (as he always did) before he'd rob it, and made sure that his schedule would be free around nine o'clock. Tired of all of the planning (because, work), Jack then went to sleep.

⧔⋯⧕

Skip to one week later. Jack teleported outside of the bank, used his amazing skills to get inside and then teleport to the volt whilst changing into his outfit, sure of victory when he opened it, only to be surprised by the red haired man that stood before him.

Unbe-fucking-lievable.

It was Marki-fucking-plier.

The 'superhero'.

He was trying to foil his plans.

"Hello, Antisepticeye."