you saved the world from me [septiplier]

xv. where i remembered

"Cold hearts brew colder songs"

–Panic! At The Disco, Let's Kill Tonight

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THE world keeps spinning. It doesn't stop, it just keeps moving. It's hurting my eyes a little, there are tears coming out of them. I'm dizzy. Because of the world. It keeps turning and contorting and it's confusing the hell out of me. I can't focus on anything and my thoughts are even more of a mess. I just want it to stop. The thoughts keep coming.

Why him? Why not me? What the fuck did I do?

It's because of him I'm like this. But then again, I caused him to be the way that causes me to be like this. At least, I think I did.

It's only been thirty seconds. Numbers aren't messing up right now, they're painfully obvious. It's only been thirty seconds since I woke up and got myself into this state.

My hand is reaching out to where I presume he is, trying to reach him, but I can't move. I'm stuck. I'm stuck. I'm stuck and this is my fault.

My eyes are working a bit more and I see my hand is shaking now. I can also feel my cheeks, they feel wet. Damp. Something is streaming down them.

I feel my breath catch in my throat as my vision sharpens to show him properly. It's a shock. It's a memory. It's my fault.

I hear a moan escaping my mouth and it hurts to listen to. It sounds strained and raspy and it's quivering. Just like my hand. Scratch that, just like the rest of my body.

A pained sob leave my lips when I can see him clearly. He isn't moving, he looks peaceful. Asleep. I want to sleep. I want to sleep and never wake up again. That would be lovely. But I'm stuck. I need someone to help me. I need a hero to save me.

I feel something else now. It shoots through my chest and shatters it to pieces like an arrow would thin glass. Another moan, louder and longer than the last, escapes me. It hurts. Everything hurts.

I can't stay here.

I need to leave.

It's my fault.

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The phone rang thrice before the recipient of the call picked up.

"I don't really wanna talk right now, Jack."

Jack gulped, words unable to form as he sat hunched over in his dark kitchen. He didn't know what time it was. "I...I know, I just..."

"..." Nothing could be heard from the other end, silence giving his racing thoughts more space in his head. One would have thought that in the whirlwind of thoughts Jack would have been able to find one coherent enough to say, but he kept drawing up blanks. Except for one he hadn't come to terms with.

"Seamus is dead." His voice cracked on the last word, he hadn't accepted it, not even after seeing the still body himself, he didn't know if he could ever accept it.

"What?" Disbelief.

"He's...can ye come over, please?"

"I'm...yeah, of course."

Jack finally hung up and buried his head in his hands, a fresh onslaught of tears streaming down his face.

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I'm scared.
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