numinous: (adj.) describing an experience that makes you fearful yet fascinated, awed yet attracted -- the powerful, personal feeling of being overwhelmed and inspired.
"Nobody can change a person. But someone can be the reason for a person to ch...
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SONG FOR THE CHAPTER;
BERLIN
RY X
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SØNDAG 21:32
Chris sits up from laying down on my bed. "Can I ask you something?"
I nod. "Yeah?"
"How long have you had the panic attacks?"
"Since last year." I reply casually.
"Why?"
I stop scrolling through my instagram feed and sit up to face him.
"I mean.. I've heard that one usually develops panic attacks because of something."
I turn my phone off and sigh. "My.. umm.. my friend.. I had a friend who.."
Chris, seeing me struggle, came closer to me and caressed my cheek. "Hey. It's okay.. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
I shake my head softly. "No.. it's okay." I take a deep breath and continue. "I had a friend. Anna. We grew up together.. She was everything to me.. She was my only real friend.. I could tell her anything and she wouldn't judge me.. She was like my sister."
"Was?" Chris looks at me confused.
"Last year, on halloween.. We went to a party to some girl's house from our school.. We didn't have a ride home, so our friend, Ruben, offered to drive us home. But he had drunken that night, and so were his friends.. He said that he was fine, that he drank only two drinks two hours go and that he was fine.." I stop to wipe the tears away from eyes. "I tried to convince Anna that we should just call an uber or something.. but she was drunk too and wouldn't listen to me. I told her that I wasn't gonna go into the car, that I was gonna call a taxi. I told her to come with me.. but she went with Ruben anyway.. I tried to call her the next day, to see if she was alright. But she didn't answer.. When I turned on the tv that day, images of a two destroyed cars came on. And I recognized the grey one.. It was Ruben's.
I begin to hyperventilate a little, and Chris rubs my back softly. "I ran to the hospital that was near my and her's home, and I saw her.. I saw her lifeless body attached to many tubes.. She was in a coma. The doctor said she could hear me, so I began to talk to her, I told her all of the things we did, I told her everything again.. I didn't eat anything for those months, and if I did, it wouldn't be enough to nourish me.. I felt that it would selfish if I took care of myself when I couldn't even take care of her. Two months.. She was in a coma for two months. Until one day, I walked into her room and didn't tell her anything.. And then. The line went flat. I yelled for the doctor and nurses to come in. And they tried to restart her heart.. but they couldn't.. And when her parents came running in the room.."
